Posted by Harlock on November 10, 2003, at 9:26:45
In reply to Lifestyle, Preaching and Hypocracy., posted by Clayton on November 6, 2003, at 23:42:08
Howdy. What the intro line dedicated to me? I know where was another SE here. Man, I'm really burnt out with this occupation. If I had a ton of money saved up (I don't), I would quit, ASAP, and go back to school to be a child psychologist. I love kids (they are the only humans I instantly like as opposed to hate), and I have quite the interest in the psych field (go figure). My childhood kinda sucked and my parents where to blame for a large part of this, so I'd hate to see other children put up with what I did (and worse).
I'm a "devout" athiest, so these matters don't affect my treatment at all. I kinda wish I did beleive in something "higher", but I'm a scientist, so I can't get past the logic/anti-logic behind theological issues. To the beleivers, all the power to ya!, and I hope it helps you.
On Light, it does help me as well, although my cube looks like a dungeon. I unplugged the flourescent lights above me. No change of me getting a window cube either. I've burned too many bridges here for that.
About my work apology... I've done this in the past, and wrote detailed 1 on 1 emails to people, several people, and guess what? No response. How am I supposed to take that? They are too arrogant and self-rightious to even work out a dialog with me. No more apologies from me. I give up.
I talked to my boss, and so far so good... I'm probably going to keep working here. It's still touch and go though. Other powers are trying hard to drive me out, and vice versa for me.
I like to think some of us are extremely perceptive, due to the nature of our disorders. We can easily see problems with behavior and the like, where others cannot. So, maybe it's not my job to voice these concerns here are work, well, at least in the way I did it, but it's a little late for that. What's done is done. Some people love me here (at work), others hate me. I also hate the people who feel the same way about me. I'd like to really like them, but they've bashed me hard too many times to make that a reality.
I hate people that can't empathize with my disorder, or even worse, the people who think it is "all in my head"...so to speak.
Well, to anyone suffering here, you have a friend in me. I'd like to help you, if I can. I find great healing just my writing here, and seeing responses from people who share what I go through.
If anyone lives around Salem, NH, I'd love to get a support group together. Hell, even to just do something "fun"... see a movie, go out to eat, etc. and least but not least, share each-others experiences and support eachothers. No one else will (to a degree).
Take care.
> To my new buddy and fellow software engineer,
>
> Someone should ask the lady who claims psychological configurations lead to chemical imbalances, doesn't she realize that psychological configurations are themselves the result of brain activity and chemicals? Does she believe that "The Ghost in the Machine" messes with your neurotransmitters? We are in waters that are philisophically way too deep for the time I have. In truth, I'm NOT a total reductionist. I think the mind and soul are seperate from the brain and truly REAL in their own right...so called emergent phenomena of which there are many examples in the universe. I just think the brain is necessary for the mind and soul to exist. (You can see I'm not going to heaven! Nor do I fear hell.) Every mental/psychological phenominon does have a physical correlate in the brain that suppports it. But the mind has an irreducable, primacy reality of its own.
>
> The woman has a point about lifestyle. Light: Proven to help and helps me. Particularly the normal spectral distribution (color temperature) of sunlight, especially in the morning. If you are like me, somedays you can't get out of bed and you just want to lay there in total (and very real) misery, suffering. If you can't make it outside, open all the blinds/curtains and let the light in. Then lay back down if necessary but do it in a room or place with the maximum possible sunlight. EXERCISE: She didn't mention that one, but user poles rate sustained strenuous cardiovascular exercise as the best way to eliminate stress and decrease anxiety. It is for me. It's probably why I'm on two antidepressants instead of some soup consisting of seven psychotropic, ANTIdepressant, ANTI-anxiety, ANTI-psychotic chemicals, It's increasingly understood that SSRIs are general anesthetics that dull all the peak experiences in life. That means they are robbing your humanity and chance to function as a healthy human being. (This is REALLY hypoctitical, man. I've told you I have as many problems as you. Forgive the lecture). No one has a clue what the chemical soup will do to you but it won't leave you a chance in hell of being "normal" (disgusting term!). Let's say this: it will remove your capacity to function as an authentic human being.
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> Exercise also burns off evil feelings of hate and resentment. And the pain will have been worth it when you get that endorphin rush afterward. You'll be activating your opiate receptors (without opiates). The feeling is peaceful, contended and happy and secure (not unlike what you experience after very good, loving, caring sex).
>
> You know I just lost my wife and kids three days ago. They WERE my whole reason to exist. You also know I might get fired tomorrow, and at age 52 in this job market, that's very bad news. Still, I have moved from surviving second-to-second to minute-to-minute. I am determined to make something positive come out of this. I know this is partially denial and bravado, but it is also coping.
>
> Irresponsible Hypocracy: Have you tried Gabapentin (Neutontin)? Has an affinity for both benzo and opiate receptors.
>
> Really Irresponsible Hypocracy: Also get a lot of samples or waste some money on the net to get 200 mg modafinil (ProVigil) tablets. (Do research before you follow this advice.) 100 mg the first day or two. 200 mg the next two days. If you still don't feel any better go to 400 mg/day. Take 200 mg upon awakening and another 200 mg about 11:00 oclock. It can help mood, anxiety, amotivation and your memory and cognitive skills. Tends to increase social interaction. Or be really irresponsible and abuse it and have some harmless fun. Want to stay up all night and write questionable posts for Psycho-Babble like this one? Take 200 mg in the evening and you will de able to do it and feel alert all night. Do you like to dream? I do. Take 100-200 mg of Provigil and go to bed. You WILL be able to sleep. But I hear from another user that you will have really cool lucid dreams. Haven't tried it myself. But I know at a dose not greater than 200 mg, you can fall asleep normally and it doesn't interfere with REM. Irresponibility aside, a brief trial of this medication is worth a go just to see if it helps.
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> Excuse the irreponsible ramblimg! I'm outta here for no.
>
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poster:Harlock
thread:276082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031105/msgs/278178.html