Posted by memma on October 9, 2003, at 16:05:16
Hi everyone... Like many people here, I'm having a great deal of difficulty in finding out what is really wrong with me, and I've been through a number of different medicines to treat ADHD and Bipolar II.
Here's some history- I'm a 23 year old female with early onset ADHD, but I went undiagnosed until college. I had excellant grades and wonderful social skills, and although teachers recommended to my parents yearly... They thought it was unnecessay.
The University pdoc gave me an initial Ritalin prescription, then moved to Adderrall. I was prescribed 40-60 mg/ day, and I usually took 20 mg 2xday). I later stopped taking Adderall because after 1.5 years, I dropped from 120 lbs to 103 lbs (btw I'm five eight- looked anorexic). Pdoc didn't care, just told me to eat more.I had 1 year unmedicated, then started to develop serious anxiety. I would not leave my house for days (I was a very social person before: Served 2 years on Panhell (sorority) and in U. student govt). There was no real reason for me to be anxious - no outside stimulus. This escalated to deep depression and I began to lose many friends because my behavior was so awful and I would get mad at them. I was always irrational, hurtful attacking on my part towards these people. I attempted suicide, and wound up in hospital with a new pdoc and new meds.
I was diagnosed as depressed, put on Zoloft (started at 50mgd, up to 150mgd) and Dexedrine for ADHD (Spansules- can't remember dose, I think it was 40mgd). Things were very nice, but never "right"... then...the cycling begun. I started sleeping less, or more, and exhibiting very typical Bipolar 2 symptoms....
So after upping Zoloft ocne, pdoc diagnosed me as Bipolar 2 (after about four months on Dex and Zoloft). He stopped the Dexedrine cold, and begun Depakote and Zyprexa. This is my five months of hell: I was constantly either hypomanic or depressed, with very little time between the up or down changes. The times I was depressed were significantly harder to deal with than the hypomania. I couldn't hold down a job, so I begun volunteering. The problem was that over this five months, my pdoc would not change the meds, only increase my dosage. I begged him to take me off the Zoloft to maybe decrease the cycles (I had been increased to final dosage of 250 mpd). The Zyprexa only seemed to make me shake and twitch all over (dosage from 15 mpd to 40 mpd) and I could not tolerate Depakote doasges over 2500 mg (extreme, immediate nausea-tried for a long time to add Sprinkles...never worked, I would violently vomit almost an hour after taking, even if dosages were separated into AM and PM).
I know in hindsight that this was the ABSOLUTE WORST THING TO DO (please please don't do this anyone, consult another pdoc!!!!)...but after the 5 months, I stopped taking all meds (Zoloft, Zyprexa, Depakote). I know it was stupid and dangerous, but I couldn't take the constant rapid cycling.
I immediately felt better. I also stopped seeing my therapist as he was in same office as pdoc, and encouraged the Zoloft cocktail.
I quickly found a new therapist, who helped me interview and find a new pdoc I really like. I was off medication totally for about three months, and had no episodes or hypomania or depression, but I have had typical ADHD symptoms and increasing anxiety, which I would describe as irrational worrying. New Pdoc gave me trials of Concerta (headaches), then put me back on Adderall. New dosage is Adderall XR 30mg in am, then reg Adderall 10 mg at 4pm. Going well for almost two months, until: (and this is my final question, thank you so much for reading this!!): Two nights ago I couldn't fall asleep at all (took normal Adderall XR and Adderall schedule), I was agitated and worrisome all through yesterday, and awake. I called pdoc and took no Adderall or Add XR yesterday, and still didn't sleep. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and he called in Ambien for me to take tonight.
I'm very concerned that this is Adderall induced mania. I've never stayed up for two nights in a row due to any medicine. I've taken Adderall at similar dosages before, what would make this different? Plus, I've been so worried, almost compulsive type worrying about really irrational and minute things, and I previously did not react that way to stimulants. And I still have no clue if the 5 months of hypomania and depression were just a cause of the Zoloft, or if I truly am Bipolar 2.
Thank you so much for your support in reading this. It's so helpful to vent...!! I just often feel like nothing helps...and every new med causes some new bizarre behavior. (and I know there are about a million typos - bear with me, no sleep!!!)
Anyway, thanks again,
memma
poster:memma
thread:267407
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031004/msgs/267407.html