Posted by Micheal on October 9, 2003, at 1:13:06
In reply to Re: It's all in OUR HEAD!!!, posted by slinky on October 8, 2003, at 12:30:03
Your welcome. I am happy it made you feel better..it made me feel better too..sharing. i felt overwhelmed to share.--especially after reading some of the threads..hearing my fellow people's and their sufferings.. writing in comments like.."I feel like a Lab Rat.."
--when i read this..i could relate. i have been there.
--i stumbled on this web-site last night and read the threads.. (i was looking for humanlab the Band) -- i think i definantly overstepped though a-bit being to general-in my reply.too excited. I know everyone is dealing with their own issues..
were all diffrent in levels and degrees.
i feel bad that i made it seem like.. i have the cure.
even if i think i do. --for me it has been far more a challenge than.. simply..eating better..or doing some push up's--it's been me..really reaching inside myself.. and accepting myself..loving myself.. re-structuring my life.. my friendships.. throwing out my T.v..calling my parents.. my brother..FORGIVING..hiking Half Dome..getting rid of the cell phone..taking care of plants..praying. i had to take extream measure to rid my life of the panic disorder--depression.. feeling so scared and so alone--helpless.. could anyone understand?
i couldn't see the Sun.. i couldn't see the little things..life's creation.. all i could see was myself..and my agony. helplessness. always feeling spun-out-lost--maybe even cursed.
i was suffocating to the point i would Hypervetalate--and let's just say it::::The Bag don't Work! and i am Young! i am only 30 years old! This isn't living! and it's been like this since high school..and before! My mom's on meds..my brother ..my uncles ..my neighbors..my girlfriend..grandma.. friends! it's an epidemic! wow! i thought one day~~how did we ever cope before?
(my hypothesis)--- I think alot of it IS in our head..and our life-stles.---who know's ..maybe it's a chemical Brain thing..or maybe it's just really hard dealing with being molested. Being fucked with constantly through out school. being teased. being a latch-key kid with working parents. Being told alwways to Shut the Fuck up.
I can't expect anyone to understand- mine--but i feel i can understand theirs. And i feel i have made a discovery.. that life is about letting go..surrender..giving in to love..and most importantly--"not taking it personal" --
it probrably sounds like a bunch of self help stuff..but i havn't read it. I learning it. I am Earning it.
--I could talk forever about it..it's really beautiful.. and i have this hopeful faith inside of me that truly belives if anyone was to do what i am doing they will feel it too.. it's about not stealing from the cookie jar.
am i rambling? maybe i should keep it to myself.
--i don't know you..but for what it's worth i believe in you.. in the spirit..in truth..in the Universe..and..
i belive it's worth trying!
sending love and Hope~
micheal.
p.s.
i am sure there are mis-spelled words everywhere!
poster:Micheal
thread:135463
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031004/msgs/267113.html