Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 30, 2003, at 22:27:14
In reply to Re: Social anxiety and dopaminergics? Amisulpride. » Ame Sans Vie, posted by Budgie on August 30, 2003, at 21:44:42
That's right, drugs it was. Though my SP wasn't nearly as bad as it is today when I first met them all six years ago, I was still shy around them. Manson offered me any mind-altering substance I wanted, never forcing anything on me though. Started off using cocaine, phenobarbital and absinthe to get past that whole shy thing (I already been using cocaine and alcohol to self-medicate... absinthe was new to me). Then I started using psychedelics and disassociative anesthetics several times a week on my own (LSD, mushrooms, mescaline, MDMA, MDA, MDE, nexus, DMT, AMT, 5-MeO-DMT, 5-MeO-AMT, 5-MeO-MiPT, DiPT, DPT, PCP, ketamine, DXM... you name it). I know my SP would have gotten worse regardless (such is the pattern of mental illness in my family), but I definitely believe that it was my abuse of those drugs in particular that caused it to become so horrible so quickly. This may sound somewhat masochistic, but even though I always had a very paranoid experience on hallucinogens, I couldn't get enough of them. I actually saw bad trips as "enlightening". Go figure. The paranoia was predominantly related to the motives and thoughts of those around me. I was with them all throughout the North American leg of the Mechanical Animals tour in '99, rarely even coming out from backstage to watch the show because I was too far out of it; I'm sure you could see how half a year in a psychedelic haze could exacerbate my problems.
I spoke to them all quite often during the agoraphobia over the past few years and even managed to go to Houston to stay with them for a weekend at a hotel every now and then (with the help of some very good friends of mine -- Klonopin and Xanax). It was my mom who introduced me to them in the first place, and he's offered to send us VIP passes for each one of the shows on their next North American tour, once all the dates are confirmed. Whether or not we'll be attending is entirely dependent on our financial situation, though.
Either way, this time -- no drugs. :-)
poster:Ame Sans Vie
thread:255566
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030828/msgs/255796.html