Posted by mysteryroad on June 7, 2003, at 21:24:14
In reply to Re: » mysteryroad, posted by Questionmark on June 7, 2003, at 2:39:42
> i want to comment on that, but i don't know what to say. It was beautiful. Beautifully expressive. The truth is always repulsive but expressing it is almost always beautiful. i'm so sorry you lost so many years. i know it's not worth anything, but i am.
Are you really?..Man, that hits home so hard..Thankyou.
>"A thousand hours just thrown away, just to feel my heart for a second" (The Cure).
Ahh.., Music..How would we cope without it..All those emotions we crave, good and bad, are borne of music..Whenever were alone with music, we get our emotions jabbed, beyond control..Melody just blows me away..I just heard "The Scientist" off Coldplays new c/d..Such a wonderful addiction, this melody stuff..
So I got 20 yrs. on ya? Great..Cause when I was 23 I didn't know shit about what was happening to me..I went about my manic way spending 15 years in the music business as a recording engineer..I thought I would be the best someday..So much confidence!!..Nothing could stop me..IT WAS MY CALLING!!...I thought..I thought..I thought I would get life right..RaZZ Mf'er!!
Next stop Wall St...4 yrs of hell..But..I passed the Series 7/63 exam..Math?..Couldn't add in H.S..But now, I'm super bipolar man!!..I'll pass anything!..Where's the books?..Gotta get to the top, make that life of mine..
I passed w/ 4 weeks solid studying EVERY day..We'll forget the next 2 yrs..
After leaving Mannyhatty from sheer burnout and 5 more job titles later, I find myself behind a cash register selling vitamins..I should be SO thankful for what I have..I'm physically healthy, have many good attributes and still have a side that wants to succeed..I race bikes and go VERY fast..I crack 30 yr olds..I feel for other people..I am low maintenance and your basic creature of habit..
But my heart ACHES so bad I wish I could vanish at any given moment..I am miserable every day as soon as I open my eyes..It's just there..It won't go away..I am not grateful and thankful..I am SO NOT grateful and thankful, I sit in my room waiting for the knockdown blow to show me why I should be so..HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!..It ain't comin'..
So there it is, my nutshell life (HaHa?) that you will never follow BECAUSE I just made you aware..
Get it?Questionmark, at 23 you have your whole life ahead of you..Roll with it cause you know what's ahead..Dig down deep and fight very hard..I promise it will work..Keep learning about depression..Never lose track..Keep it on the back burner..Just keep it off the front..Use the meds..They sometimes bring you where you need to be, if only fleeting..Just don't let them get ahead of you..
I also wish you well..And it will be!!
poster:mysteryroad
thread:231574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030604/msgs/232272.html