Posted by Questionmark on June 7, 2003, at 2:39:42
In reply to Re: Nightmare posts, posted by mysteryroad on June 6, 2003, at 21:08:18
> Thanks for the replies..I have yet to try Lex..And not sure If I will..I'm so tired of all the ad's and their sides..As like a lot of people, I've tried many with POOR results..
>
> In the 14 yrs of suffering from depression, I've found that NO medication has helped anything significant..It's the same suffering with the hope that something will come along and make us better..No chance..Let's be truthful.
>
> Basically, visiting my pdoc is like asking him for the flavor of the month..Same old meds and b.s sides to go with them..I'm so tired of it all..When I come to the boards, the same pattern follows, year after year.."X med was good for x months then I switched to x med because x med1 made me frigid/bonerless after x months on Dreamdram @5mg every 21 minutes.Should I get a new pdoc?"..
>
> Know what I mean?..It's such a false life..Like a half of a life..You never get to be who you want to be, if only for short moments..Just enough to know somethings all wrong..At 43, I've given in to ever reaching my childhood dreams..My screwed up 20's and 30's took care of that..
> CHRIST!! I couldn't think straight!!..Friggin' depression took me down and I didn't even know it...AARRGGHH!!..I missed!!..That's right..I blew it..Me and my big frickin' DEPRESSION..Gee, God must have been out of heaven when I called for help..
>
> God?..what another false thought..I laugh at these Christians who say there prayers have been answered because they gave more "heart"..Great..My heart was no good..Thanks God..I'm better now not believing.
>
> Now, where's my rolo..I must look for yet ANOTHER headshrink..
>
> Thanks for listening.
>
> Mysteryroad
i want to comment on that, but i don't know what to say. It was beautiful. Beautifully expressive. The truth is always repulsive but expressing it is almost always beautiful. i'm so sorry you lost so many years. i know it's not worth anything, but i am.
You're right though, especially about meds and these D. Boards and what not. This is ridiculous. Paying all the money to try something else that might help a little, with side effects, just to get a glimpse of happiness for awhile... and then it's do it all over again. "A thousand hours just thrown away, just to feel my heart for a second" (The Cure).
You've got two decades on me, but i'm afraid you're right. i'm really afraid you're right. At this point i have just one drug-hope left (Nardil), which i would probably like to try-- but it would be just for some temporary relief, as it seems as though all drugs eventually lose their effectiveness (so i probably wouldn't stay on that long anyway-- least itd be easier going off).
Interesting what you said about God and calling for help. i know how you feel (more or less). The really sad freaking thing, though, is that there are probably NUMERous people all over the world suffering far worse than i-- and their prayers still go unanswered as well. Nothing makes any sense.
Oh my GOSH i must stop rambling! Okay, sorry for the added negativity. i wish i could end with a word of encouragement, but i really do not know how. Um, keep looking up.
No, i wish you well.
poster:Questionmark
thread:231574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030604/msgs/232098.html