Posted by katia on May 23, 2003, at 14:10:38
In reply to Re: Mood-stabilizers other than depakote or lithiu, posted by dddiane on May 23, 2003, at 13:35:22
>
> >
> > Hi Diane,
> > I am seeing a pdoc in three weeks (a new one). I am on my fourth AD to no luck. I've tried Celexa, Effexor, Zoloft, and now Serzone. What I am experiencing on Serzone is a lot of energized irritability. which is familiar to me. (w/o meds). I am beginning to think I may be BPII (dysphoric and mixed).
> > I am curious, how long have you been aware of your BPII? Did it take you awhile to figure out?
> > What you write above seems soooo familiar to me. "Now I experience more mixed state crap, self-hatred, self-distructive, garbage. So I know what you mean."
> > this yuck feeling of wanting to tear your skin off as well as others around you; mixed with depression. It's confusing! Either let me be JUST depressed (which I've been) or let me be EUPHORICALLY BP!!! which I've never been.
> > I'd be interested to hear about some of your history with dx(s) and meds.
> > thanks.
> > Katia
>
> Katia,
>
> Today I saw some of your older posts and just thought I would ask how you are doing?
>
> Diane
>
>thanks for checking in with me. I forgot to reply to your previous post. No, i'm not on any mood stabilizers as I've never been given any dx really, except the one I gave myself last summer "double depression". It's takes detective work to figure this all out.
Without a doubt, I've been depressed most of my life. But after trying lots of ADs and none of them working and after reflecting on my mood swings over the years and bouts of irritability and rage and agitation - high energy (nothing euphoric) and reading these posts and reading up on BP (II), I think that my "disorder" is more complicated than just good ole' depression. I stopped the Serzone and already feel somwhat better, less high strung. But, I also stopped it the day I got my period so it could be related to that. and I normally don't have PMS that badly. I'm really not sure how I am. I know I have an appt. with a well-known pdoc in three weeks and I've stopped the ADs and won't drink anything at least until I see him, maybe longer, to get a clear idea of what's going on with me.
It's a tangled web to unravel. I brought it up to a friend the other day that I think I may be BP (probably II). her father is classic manic depressive; so she's got some experience. She said that , yes she could definitely see that in me upon reflection. And she thought it was exacerbated when I drank. I do feel that too now that I think about it. When I'm depressed, just depressed, down and lethargic, I don't have a desire to drink. It's when I feel "manic", high wild energy that is full of agitation, racing thoughts, etc. then I tend to drink and I think it worsens it. then I crash. shit. what a roller coaster ride I've been on for years. Why haven't we as a society paid more and closer attention to our behaviours and question it?????????I would've not wasted so much precious time and relationships wasted.
so that's the update. thanks for asking.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:226813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030520/msgs/228628.html