Posted by dddiane on May 19, 2003, at 6:31:40
In reply to Re: Mood-stabilizers other than depakote or lithiu » dddiane, posted by katia on May 18, 2003, at 15:47:41
> Hi Diane,
> I am seeing a pdoc in three weeks (a new one). I am on my fourth AD to no luck. I've tried Celexa, Effexor, Zoloft, and now Serzone. What I am experiencing on Serzone is a lot of energized irritability. which is familiar to me. (w/o meds). I am beginning to think I may be BPII (dysphoric and mixed).
> I am curious, how long have you been aware of your BPII? Did it take you awhile to figure out?
> What you write above seems soooo familiar to me. "Now I experience more mixed state crap, self-hatred, self-distructive, garbage. So I know what you mean."
> this yuck feeling of wanting to tear your skin off as well as others around you; mixed with depression. It's confusing! Either let me be JUST depressed (which I've been) or let me be EUPHORICALLY BP!!! which I've never been.
> I'd be interested to hear about some of your history with dx(s) and meds.
> thanks.
> KatiaKatia,
Goodluck with your new pdoc, I always found it challenging to change!
Are you taking AD without any mood stablizers in place? You didn't say. If so and if you are bipolar that will make you feel like "tearing your skin off".
I was dx'ed 20 years ago as bipolar, and it has been my only dx, except for some loopy therapists previous to my dx who said I was only neurotic, if you know what I mean! And I'm pretty clearly BP I, because my manias before meds were severe and sometimes a little psychotic. But I've been on meds so consistantly now that I don't have the extreme manias, or even true manias anymore.
When I was first dx'ed, I used lithium for a year, and hated it. This was not a good pdoc, I think she had my levels too high from what I read later, and I was a zombie. So I went off it and did no meds for a year. Then I went to a better pdoc and tried tegretol, which I stayed with until about 15 months ago. It really gave me the stability I needed, even though it is very hard on long and short term memory, and made me feel stupid (I call it Forget-it-tal). It did leave me sort of hypomanic alot too, but that's better than depressed, in my book. Later my pdoc added Neurontin to the mix, which really helps me with anxiety. And sometimes I take a small amount of klonipin or ambien to sleep.
I'm not tolerant of AD's at all. They make me manic in short order, even with a mood stablizer in place. Though years ago we did use one of the older ones to pull me out of a deep depression after the death of my dad. But it was very short term, a couple of months, and I had to stop using it fast.
Sorry this is long but you asked for a history! Then I had some serious side effects from Tegretol. Had to stop it immediately. Lost my job, insurance, and pdoc! Had a stand-in pdoc, and tried depakote, zeprexa, respirdal. Hated them all. The APs really depressed me. Got my old pdoc back and went on Topamax, which *almost* makes me stable! The bottom tends to drop out when I least expect it. And it's frustrating to me, because I got over the "dumbing" side effects! Topamax makes me feel nice and calm. But it just doesn't give me quite enough stability.
Anyway, hope all that rambling helps! You can always find me here,
http://pub123.ezboard.com/btopamaxtalk
under the same name if you want to talk more.Let me know what happens with your pdoc. And best of luck figuring out all this med stuff, It isn't easy to weed through and find the right med or med cocktail.
Diane
poster:dddiane
thread:226813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030514/msgs/227592.html