Posted by fluffy on November 23, 2002, at 13:37:19
In reply to Re: Is there ever a normal after BP - fluffy, posted by Krysti on November 22, 2002, at 21:24:32
Hi Krysti--
Hmmm. How am I doing?? I'm not really sure. That's the problem, I guess. I called my doctor all freaked out a couple of days ago because my thoughts were getting all layered and panicky...but I'm not sure if it's just a fear of the upped zoloft dose or of my new label (BPII) or if I was actually having a reaction. I'm really scared of AD's now.
Last night, I was fighting with myself again thinking that I just have panic disorder and that I should just take the damn zoloft and stop worrying about it. I did-- and spent last night alone in my room with my eyes closed and fell asleep on the couch. Then this morning I woke up and had some coffee and a few cigs, and my thoughts started ruminating again...with a really negative vibe. ..looking at an extension cord and thinking of hanging from it....that kind of stuff...(!!!!)
My friend called me in the middle of this...and I just told him how I didn't know who I was anymore. He said--I know who you are..and this isn't YOU!! I decided to pull myself together and get dressed and go to work. I feel better..
But I really have to wonder about myself!! Am I just freakin' my own sh*t out?? Which thoughts are mine? How do I stop them? Should I continue with the zoloft? My doc asked me if I was feeling better or worse on it. I said..worse. I took 2 neurontin yesterday with no zoloft and felt so slow and tired. So I decided to continue with the zoloft. But the thoughts this morning and last night scared me!! What is UP??
Am I just having an insecurity problem and can't face it?? Is BPII just a label so that I can explain away my lack of responsibility and deep seated fears?? I'm so confused!!
Krysti--you are the bomb, by the way...thanks for keeping in touch. I'm glad you are having luck with your meds.
lovins...
poster:fluffy
thread:127130
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021122/msgs/128948.html