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Re: Chronic emptiness? Is HELL for a BPD

Posted by cybercafe on October 13, 2002, at 11:52:56

In reply to Re: Chronic emptiness? Is HELL for a BPD, posted by ZH389 on October 13, 2002, at 1:11:23

i used to think that was a symptom of my depression... but i find it actually responds well to a benzo .... like it's a symptom of anxiety? it's like a kind of rumination... or... uneasy feeling ... like things just aren't going right... like you're missing something.... tends to go away when i take klonazepam ...

oh yeah, and i think having a girlfriend might help too

> I have BPD, been searching all over : books, internet to be able to understand the 'real' meaning of this & also what they meant by being 'dissociative'. A few terms I couldn't figure out.
>
> As for chronic emptyness, well, I read somewhere a line that really did 'make sense' to me. They kind of explain it like the Borderline wakes up everyday wandering if he/she is 'alive'. Is the pure core of 'existence, that is empty! Versus I think depression, is more like a down that goes on & on. BPD are so in 'need' to feel alive that, yeah, we 'hurt' physically ourselves. Even my own passions, activities I 'enjoy' are NOT enough to fill in this whole inside. Nothing is BIG or GOOD enough to fulfill it...There are no 'tomorrows', just moment per moment in an infinite lapse of time where we have no idea where it will lead to. At time, depression kicks in after many attempts to fill ourself and feel worthed and as 'whole', as a human being, but when many attemps failed...suicide thoughts & acts occurs. And those acts are mostly done by a mountain of frustrations rather then a depression. I feel this 'emptyness' like if us, the Borderlines, were more demanding to ourself then the general people, that the things that keep the others going with their life are way not enough for us. I just don't know how to get rid of such emptyness...very hard to live with. I recenlty save the life of a friend, now raising funds for someone who is sick,etc..doing 'grandiose' actions and humane things...and guess what?....I still feel empty and worthless. And what I did good is gone the next minute, like it never existed. Back, trapped in this hole we call 'internal' hell.


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poster:cybercafe thread:106027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021012/msgs/123465.html