Posted by reese1 on July 10, 2002, at 13:11:33
In reply to Re: non fiction news » reese1, posted by IsoM on June 28, 2002, at 19:11:00
hello, hi,
i have yet to reach the hospital door. i am supposed to go in this monday. for three to four weeks. each and every time i think of it. i'm scared. frightened. terrified. the last visit at Columbia was a combination of all of the above.
and i can not stop my belief that when you are in. you are almost invisible. if lucky you might be able to connect with a fellow person. but the more times you go in the more callous you become and you know in most cases the person you become friend's with is headed in a direction that is just to awful to see. watch.
the doctors never seem to be there. and when they visit it's seven am and your finally a sleep. i couldn't get away from the feeling that noone that works there wants to be there. except for one or two.
and why is it that there is nothing for one to do. in some hospitals, awhile back, they use to have meetings and such. but now it seems they have nothing except for needle point.
i am so scared of the doors shutting and the bright light and white floor, single lined bed, bleached sheets that feel as if they want no more visitors and it all feels so strange. like a shot of something that turns the color of your veins.
and then they give you your pills but you have no control over any of it. what doesnt work for you doesn't matter to them. your charts are parked behind the wrong last name and each new doctor ask the question the last doctor started with and there never seems to be an end only a denail by the insurance or discharge.
i'm sorry this is so fucking negative. but i have had, in the earlier years, positive expierences in hospitals, but that virginity is long ago. now i see it in a different light. it might not be the right light. but the light is dense, smothered and cold.
the guy that's admittin me has told me nothing. i don't know if i should be tappering off of my meds which i would like to do so i don't have to waste time in the hospital when i can contribute out here. i know which one's i can go down on without repurcusions etc. i took another brain test a few weeks ago and have heard nothing about it. i have no idea what drugs they want to try or what to expect.
sorry for whining. i'm just scared.
thank you everyone
doug
poster:reese1
thread:93100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020709/msgs/111935.html