Posted by BarbaraCat on May 17, 2002, at 11:12:17
In reply to OCD , posted by tinker on May 17, 2002, at 8:41:55
These posts have been a revelation. Like you, Tinker, I constantly worry about animals being abused. I love the critters and the thought of someone hurting an animal somewhere as we speak sends me into a helpless fury. Not always, but especially true if I'm going through an agitated depression. I could usually tell where I was at emotionally by the lobster tank at our former local supermarket. If I could walk by the lobster tank without breaking into great gusts of sobbing then I was OK, I could handle the rest of life. A few times, however, I was in the aisles and a few people came up and asked if I needed help cause I was slumped against the shelves weeping, not able to get the cries for help from the lobsters out of my head. They probably weren't terribly happy about their situation, but jeez, I don't think this level of anguish was realistic or healthy for me.
At the height of a bad agitated depression a few years ago I was constantly obsessing about going blind (no reason whatsoever - my vision is near perfect). Like you said, RainbowLight, the thought was always there somewhere in the back of my mind like a running musical score. I'd be about to do whatever and it would grab me "ohmygod, what if I go blind and end up not only old, crippled, depressed but blind as well?' and then sure enough I'd get hit with a massive panic attack. This was all going on, by the way, while I was ingesting 200mg of Zoloft daily and seeing a therapist. Xanax helped somewhat when I ended up in the emergency ward a few times for these attacks (always brought on by some obsessive dread), but my doc wouldn't refill it for 'addiction potentional'. I eventually ended up in a psych ward for 2 weeks during this spell because I couldn't get the disaster thoughts out of my head. I felt like a raw exposed nerve ending with these tortuous thoughts and dreams setting up shop in my mind.
I'm definitely not like this most of the time and am for the most part quite mellow and adaptable - more 'normal' than most folks I see struggling with life. It's just that when the crazies hit, I'm lost until time allows some kind of equilibrium. That's why it's so frustrating cause it's all cyclical and slippery. But I'm seeing my patterns more clearly and think I definitely have overtones of OCD from what I'm hearing from you all. I don't think it's the primary dx however (it's now BPII), and it sounds like the treatment isn't too different from what I'm currently receiving. But who can say anymore with the dx's migrating around from one disorder to another? I probably need alot more CBT, but heck, I KNOW and normally use all that stuff! It just deserts me when I really need it.
> Hi I really enjoyed all of the above posts. I have ocd, but the doctor mentioned that body dysmorphic symptom. I used to obsess about animals being abused. I couldn't go to the mall on a hot day incase I heard barking coming from a car. This would send me into a complete panic. I used to take clomapramine. And it worked really well for me, but it was quite sedating, so this past May the doc swiched me to zoloft. I developed tinnitus. Its almost gone but I cant stop obsessing on the noise, wondering if I am hearing it, if its pulsing, or what its doing. The manufacturer told me it was caused by elevated levels of seratonin. Clomapramine also has elevated levels of seratonin, and now I'm afraid to go back to it. I am caught in a loop right now big time. Tinker
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:106680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020517/msgs/106774.html