Posted by Elizabeth on February 7, 2002, at 10:57:32
In reply to Career and Interests » IsoM, posted by IsoM on February 4, 2002, at 18:43:16
> ...I see that you're a mathematician by training. I apologise whether you could do the calculations - a breeze for you, I'd imagine.
Actually, I meant I'm not that out of practice in chemistry! I'm 25 and I've been struggling with depression since I was 14 (possibly younger, but that was the first time I was seriously impaired by it and sought treatment). So I don't have a career. After I graduated from college, I went to grad school (in math) briefly, but I got very depressed again while I was there. (This was while I was taking Nardil, an AD that seemed to be working pretty well for several months but then pooped out in a disastrous way. I tried it twice and this happened both times.) While I was recovering, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. I still need to take a couple of classes and the MCAT before I can apply, though, and it could be a while before I do that (right now what I need is some money, so getting a job is higher on my agenda).
> Trouble is, I have to set my mind in gear for math, I can't just switch focus & work on a different subject, & vice versa. To do math well, I need to work at it for hours.
My problem is mainly with shifting focus, I think. If I can focus on something, I can *really* focus on it. This doesn't help if you're trying to do something that requires frequently shifting your attention from one thing to another (like, say, driving).
> He was so pleased & happy to see someone grasp it so quickly & see the applications (he thought he had a star student, poor guy).
He probably was thrilled to find someone who was interested in the material, too! (speaking as someone who's taught math)
> After grasping the concept so beautifully (I see math as very beautiful), I couldn't even remember what the first step was! I hate the way my brain operates.
I know the feeling. Although it sounds like my attention problems and yours aren't exactly the same, it's really frustrating to enjoy something and be good at it and want to do it but not be able to.
> Then I have to do it over & over & over to wear a pathway in my memory, else the next day, my mind is as empty as before.
"Wear a pathway in your memory" is a pretty good analogy, actually. Hmm...I wonder if there could be a connection between your memory-attention problems and your sleep architecture?
> I respect your views. So if you've got any idea on how to improve shor-term & working memory - meds wise too, let me know.
I think that we need to look more closely at different types of attentional problems. The category of "ADD" is too broad and doesn't capture anything of what's going on when a person tries to focus (and none of the diagnostic categories goes into more detail about attention *symptoms*, which may or may not be associated with ADD). A lot of the problem is that it's considered a disorder of childhood, so the diagnostic criteria are pretty much entirely behavioral. This is understandable since it's often hard for children to explain what's going on in their heads, but I think we need to try to understand ADD and other attention problems better. A good way to start would be to listen to adults who have attention or concentration problems describe their problems in detail.
Anyway...it sounds to me like, in your case, it's a matter of being able to maintain focus, though, so adrafinil seems like a good idea. Have you ever tried piracetam (or one of the other *racetams)?
> Start with small drives to someone's house close by, etc & work your way up. The nice thing about driving is that it becomes kinetic memory & you're not consciously aware of your movements - like riding a bike. You just need to watch your surroundings & all other things will be automatic.
I'm not there yet, but I've gotten to be pretty good at it, and a lot of things do come naturally. But I still can't pass the ****ing test! (I'm embarrassed to say how many times I've tried.)
-elizabeth
poster:Elizabeth
thread:4588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020131/msgs/93180.html