Posted by Mitch on August 12, 2001, at 11:37:21
In reply to Re: workplace stress and complex PTSD? » Mitch, posted by Elizabeth on August 11, 2001, at 23:06:35
> > Sure, we are in a high-tech business and the work we do is very detailed and mistakes can be very costly. Someone I work with made a mistake (transposed ONE number) and it cost $750,000. I liken it to air-traffic control stress. The problems with the boss is a little uncomfortable and difficult to describe. Well, she is a perfectionist (borderline-OCD personality) (and unfortunately so are many of us) and has had "breakdowns" several times over the past few years.
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> I'm not sure that perfectionism is a "borderline" or OCD trait. There is something called obsessive-compulsive *personality* disorder (OCPD) that is very much associated with perfectionism and extreme criticalness (if that's a word < g >).
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> > It just feels like there is nothing you can do to *please* her. There is always something not quite right. The "rules" seem to change on a weekly basis, and what is worse it seems like she gets a perverse pleasure "changing the rules" and jumping us for it.
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> That sounds more "borderline-like" -- rapidly and dramatically shifting moods with corresponding shifts in world-view. (This is what the "alternating between idealisation and devaluation" criterion is getting at.)
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> Is she the big boss, or does she have a superior?She has one immediate superior, but he is a narcissist big time and I and several other people in there have gotten into arguments with him. Basically he put her in charge of us because there was a lot of big problems and issues that needed to be dealt with that he either didn't have time to deal with(he got promoted, too) or was afraid he would fail at. Other co-workers theorize that he set her up with the job so she would either crackup from the stress and quit or get fired(there was another person that "cracked up" in the same position several years ago and bailed out of it). Interestingly, when I took the job (he hired me) he warned me about "her" and he was very upset with her and had gotten into a really nasty ongoing fight with her where she nearly was fired. But that is the thing-it is like she is in an "ongoing fight" with *everybody* that she has to deal with that NEVER has any closure to it. In other words differences NEVER seem to get settled. If you disagree (even very slight) about any decision that she is making she REMEMBERS and you GET IT later. Always these revenge tactics - "the ongoing fight with everybody"
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> > She likes to play little games with everyone's head that lead you to think that you are going to get fired/disciplined, etc.
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> You think she's really intentionally trying to f*** with people? Or could it be a result of her extreme moodiness? I ask because a lot of people who are described as "borderline" appear to be "manipulative," although they don't intend to be -- they've just learned, in the implicit sense, that certain behaviours get certain results. This lies on the interface between "borderline" and "histrionic" character traits; it's related to a view of the world that is very black-and-white, where everything is seen in extremes and the person forms global impressions of the "big picture" or "general idea" at the cost of attention to details and specifics.I would agree with that to some extent. But it still seems she holds grudges from YEARS ago that she never lets go of. It is true that when she is in a better mood she is almost likable, but when she is in a bad one it is not immediately obvious, and she can get very verbally abusive.
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> > But she knows her boundaries and how to keep from getting in trouble for it.
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> I'd argue that she's crossing some pretty important boundaries, just based on the amount of information you have about her personal history.Well, what I really meant is that she knows where "the line in the sand is" with respect to getting fired. She knows what her "reach" is and how much slack (tolerability) she has at any given time. Although it does seem that she gets very defensive and angry.
> I think you and your coworkers should start keeping a log of incidents involving her. I also like Anita's advice that you keep an eye open for other job opportunities (Anita is generally smart about interpersonal situations, IMO). In general it would be good for you to work with other people who are adversely affected by your boss's behaviour, because such people often seem to polarise others into two groups, of people who support the individual and people who oppose her, respectively. Resisting the tendency to form factions like that keeps the situation from getting worse (if you and your coworkers can't agree to work together, nothing will ever get done about your boss's behaviour).Oh, nearly everbody complains about it, but the thing is most of these people are nearing retirement and don't want to "rock the boat", they are seeing their "escape hatch" getting closer and they don't want to chance making things more miserable for themselves short term for a possible better atmosphere longterm.
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> These situations are difficult, but not impossible, to resolve. The important thing, regardless of whether you're able to make things better in your current workplace or whether you end up taking another job, is that you feel you have some control over your situation.
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> I hope this has been of help. Be well.
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> -elizabethThanks a lot. You and Anita really have a lot of facts and good advice with regard to this problem. It is true that just looking at classifieds and working on my resume relieves a lot of stress.
Mitch
poster:Mitch
thread:71466
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74770.html