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Re: Handholding Shelli Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on July 27, 2001, at 23:39:14

In reply to Re: Handholding Shelli shelliR, posted by Lorraine on July 26, 2001, at 18:45:59

> I'm sure you're right. I don't think I so much worry about her ability to handle things (because she really seems to be an old hand at this). I suppose I wish that I could be more helpful to her. She does a ton of giving on this board. I'd like to be able to reciprocate on some meaningful level.

I think for lots of people giving is definitely a part of getting.
> By the way, looking back over some old posts, I see that you have been very helpful in responding to my posts. I don't know how to describe it, but when I first went on psychobabble--all the names were a blur. It is only recently that the names have separated for me and I've come to identify posts with names. Anyway, I want to thank you for all the support you have given me in the past when I didn't know who you were. It really did help.

I know exactly what you mean. When I first started participating there were only a couple of names that I could pick out. It took me forever to develop an impression of someone as a person. I once talked about it on the board--how it was particularly difficult for me to identify posters who used initials, or symbols (icemaker, etc.).

Taken out of context "I want to thank you for all the support you have given me in the past when I didn't know who you were" sounds very funny. Like I had been sending my posts as a stranger and then we finally met! And in a cyberspace world, we really have. And I'm glad it helped.
> (Lord, can you see where I am in this depression? Slipping down--I become all soppy even though the sentiment is true. I tear up with gratitude--which I guess is one of the good things--that I can still feel "touched".)

Gratitude is a really good thing in general. I think it is a very spiritual thing, to be grateful. I see it as a humble experience because the things that I feel graditude about are gifts; I have not directly caused them, nor can I take credit for them. Like I think if you are very good at something, it is okay to acknowlege it, because a talent is a gift, not a product of the ego, although using the gift may be. (sorry, didn't mean to get philosophical on you :-) )

> > > > The only thing about the oxycontin is that I am still on the original dose and the feeling of a little bit of high has never left. It's not a big problem, just better to decide when I want to get high, not start out my day that way.
> The feeling of being "high" is very unsettling to me as well. You've been on this med long enough that you would think that side effect would have evaporated if that's what its intent was. That's unfortunate.

I sort of knew what I was getting into. My pdoc said I will adjust to it, and I guess I have adjusted, but I suspected it would not go away because it never went away when I was self-medicating with vicidin. But it's only a little high, and sometimes hard to distinguish from being my normal dissociative self.

> You know they say to do the progesterone on a constant basis as opposed to following the menstrual cycle when you have depression?

No, I didn't know that. I haven't thought too much about the progesterone. I have an appointment with my gyn the second week in August and I'll see if she agrees. She's excellent--really my best doctor. She's just so busy that I have to wait a long time to get an appointment with her.

> > > > Has your pdoc been encouraging you to take nardil over parnate or vice-versa. Let me know what he said and which you've choosen.
> Well, we decided to go with parnate. My guy is an odd duck--he bases everything pretty much on your QEEG. What is a QEEG?
> I also asked him if I have temporal lobe epilepsy that didn't manifest itself in physical seizures. He looked at my chart, explained that these things are continuums and then said that I did have temporal lobe epilepsy. Well, one more thing to think about. I think that I remember reading that Tegretal has a very high rate of success with depressed people who have temporal lobe epilepsy. Another option, anyway.

A lot of people who were abused in early childhood have temporal lobe epilepsy. I don't really understand about it, but I suppose I will look in up on the internet, since I've been hearing about it for so long without knowing much about it and how exactly it is diagnosed. I know someone who had one doctor give her the diagnosis and the second take it away, so I imagine there is some interpretation involved.
> I went to my first DMDA meeting on Tuesday. I went with Neal, another psychobabbler who happens to live in Los Angeles. It was helpful to me to see how others cope. I may go back. I'm still thinking it through.

Was it strange to meet another babbler in the real world? I don't know what that would feel like. Dr. Bob was in my area for a conference and meeting with people from the board (I think two people came). I was ambivelent and it turned out I was in the hospital anyway.
> All my best to you Shelli. You are a jewel, truly.
blush, blush, and same to you!


p.s., congradulations on picking parnate--I hope it goes well.




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