Posted by Else on July 17, 2001, at 7:58:49
In reply to Re: How good is good enough? » Else, posted by sweetmarie on July 16, 2001, at 7:54:19
Thanks Anna,
My main problem has never been depression, thankfully. I have my moments. Last year I was even hospitalized after a suicide attempt. Today, this whole episode baffles me. I can't remember much of it but it's hard to believe I could have felt that bad. Anyway, after this happenned I decided to take it easy and stop worrying about my success (or lack thereof). I gave myself a vacation and did whatever I felt like for about 6 months. I think an important part of recovery is accepting that it's no big deal if you screw up. Now I've started working again and I do things I like and take it easy. I don't think I've ever been as depressed as you though, and I think it's very brave of you to post this reply. My own goal right now is at least an 8 or a 9. I want to do CBT (for social phobia). My mood is great, I don't think anything could stop me from improving as much as I want to. I am quite certain you will get better. Your post shows that you are strong and willful.One thing about meds. I agree with you but it's often difficult to get the drugs you do need. I have spent years (15) struggling with social phobia, had very few friends or boyfriends (good ones, thankfully), stayed in miserable jobs because they were the ones that allowed me to avoid social contact, and I feel all of this might have been avoided had I received adequate treatment right from the start. But since my condition was considered "minor" (even though it completely ruined my teens and early twenties), I got stuck with non-MD Freudian psychologists every time I went for help. Yes, dissing my mother was fun, but it did not do anything for my extreme shyness. I had to see 7 psychologists and psychiatrists until I found the right one, and even then, it took a year before the right medication was prescribed. In addition to this, I had to do my own research and ask my doctor for a specific drug or I would have remained neuro-vegetative on Zoloft for years (doctors don't like prescribing benzos in Canada).
Anyway, thank you for your reply and I wish you well. I am sure you will get out of this, you sound very courageous.
Thank you.
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> Else
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> It sounds like you`ve got a good doctor, who is willing to listen to you and work with you on your treatment.
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> In practical terms, `good enough` would be `well` enough to function and start getting your life towards somewhere nearing a `normal` life. By this I mean making moves towards doing the things that you need to do to get through, e.g. going to the shop once a day, taking a short walk, contacting friends - say one a week. Just small things like that. Even if you can`t do these things, just having them in mind as a goal is O.K.
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> For me, `well enough` to do these things would be 4 - 5 out of 10 moodwise. I`m still at 2 - 3 out of 10, and can only really do rudimentary things (getting up, going for a walk - a short one - and maybe sending an email).
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> Finding a level where you can function, and get SOME enjoyment is a good start. This doesn`t mean to say that you should settle for this - it isn`t really a decent quality of life. But, a foundation will be set so that further improvement can be worked on.
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> Basically what I`m saying is that if you can get as many things underway whilst you are able to (even if it means pushing yourself to a certain extent), and I don`t mean big `life issues`, these routines will be in place to a certain extent, and you won`t have to start from square 1 when your mood is at an acceptable level. For me, 6 out of 10 is my goal. I can operate on 4 out of 10, but I struggle and get very little enjoyment.
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> I`m actually telling myself as much as I`m telling you. In my case, as in yours, I have a doctor (a professor actually) who is working with me towards an acceptable level of mood. He specialises in treatment resistant depression, which is what mine is. It doesn`t sound like your doctor will give up on you just because you`ve reached a level where you can function.
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> Another thing to remember is that it`s probably not realistic to expect a long-term illness (I don`t know how long you`ve been ill) to `go away` quickly. These things take time. By my calculations, if I continue to improve at the rate I`m going at the moment, I`ll reach my goal sometime around Dec/Jan. This seems like a nightmarish time, but I think that I`d trust a slow improvement more than I would if I suddenly got better overnight (as it were).
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> It`s still hideous, and I completely don`t deny that. I don`t relish the thought of being in a state of severe depression for any longer than I have to - it`s been this way for 3 and a 1/2 years now and frankly I`m totally sick and tired of it. I still spend time wishing I were dead. But ...
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> ... it will get better. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
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> As for medications, I think they are vital. I too have had responses in the past - once I was well for a year, and another time I was well for about 8/9 months. On both occasions I discontinued the med because I was so much better and consequently fell flat on my face. Neither worked 2nd time around. However, the fact that you HAVE responded in the past gives you a better prognosis than if you had never responded. The hospital doctor told me this (I`m in hospital at the minute), and I`ve got no reason to doubt him. Logically it makes sense.
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> I hope that this is helpful.
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> Good luck,
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> Anna.
poster:Else
thread:70126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010714/msgs/70456.html