Posted by Racer on July 15, 2001, at 13:46:06
In reply to Re: How good is good enough? » Zo, posted by Else on July 14, 2001, at 21:16:38
You know, I always told my mother that she should pack up my leftovers and mail them to China if there were so many kids over there who would be grateful for them! Needless to say, Mother didn't keep mentioning it.
How good is good enough? My answer to that one is that if I am asking that question, it's not good enough. Then again, my problems were obviously much worse than yours, since I do think I deserve decent care. {{snicker, snork}}
(That was my warped sense of humor, by the way. I'm trying to get a silly grin from you.)
The fact that your doctor is willing to work with you says volumes for both of you. Don't mess it up by second guessing it! Just accept both the good care you're getting, and your doctor's obvious respect for your involvement in this process! Else, Else, rah rah rah! It's a compliment that you have that sort of rapport. Accept that compliment graciously.
As for the 'what now?' part, talk to your doctor about your worry. I know that I worry about how the doctor is likely to perceive my input. As a woman, I know that many doctors will class my attempt to involve myself in my own treatment as a sign of the neurotic behavior all women in every universe exhibit. That's because nothing is ever wrong with women, it's only neurotic behavior. Freud told us that, remember? There are still doctors out there who really did learn something very much like that, and haven't yet learned any differently. It doesn't sound as though you have one of those. Celebrate your good fortune!
The other thing that helped me a lot was to write down a nice, clear, concise list of what I wanted, what I needed, what I'd tried, etc. I made a spreadsheet with all the drugs I'd been on, what the effects had been, side effects, etc. I made a list of all the side effects I could tolerate and what side effects were not tolerable for me. I also had a list of what my rights and responsibilities and demands were! For example: It is my right to be listened to by my doctor. It is my responsibility to be POSITIVELY involved in my treatment. It is my DEMAND that my doctor respect my perceptions of intolerable side effects. Since I tend to stammer and stutter and cry when I feel challenged by authority, having the written word to fall back on certainly helped me. And because stuttering, stammering, and crying don't exactly display one's brilliant grasp of logic, well, having it in writing did help prove my point that I'm not a total turnip.
Also, maybe best, having a list of all the meds that I'd tried and what the results had been certainly made a difference in finding out what drugs might make a difference. First thing we tried helped a lot.
This isn't necessarily the thing you really want to hear right now, but here goes anyway: The only thing that really helped me in the last few steps off the penultimate plateau, it took having something else to concentrate on. Something positive, obviously. While it's not a perfect position, I now have a part time job with no benefits which is challenging me, interesting me, using my imagination, and doing all those other good things. Mind you, it's not a 'real' job, and I have a lot of issues about it, but at least it's something I feel competant doing, something that feels good to me, something I enjoy. As if that were easy to find, huh? Hell, if we could all have jobs like this, paying living wages and offering medical benefits, who would take the trouble to be depressed, right?? When I'm Empress of the Universe, I promise I'll give you one of those jobs. In the meantime, can you find something good to do for yourself that might help you express an interest outside yourself? Maybe teaching a class or volunteering at a preschool or becoming a docent at a local museum? Something positive, since sometimes working with the truly downtrodden can be more disheartening than we can handle. Just some way of getting outside yourself and feeling good for an hour or so a week?
Good luck. For what it's worth, what you're expressing sounds very real and very frustrating. I won't say 'I know how you feel', because we both know I don't and can't, but I do empathise with you. Rah rah sis boom bah, you can do it! Here's a good thought for you, from me.
poster:Racer
thread:70126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010714/msgs/70197.html