Posted by BobJ1961 on June 23, 2001, at 23:17:35
In reply to Re: New to Psycho-Babble, posted by rmshed on June 17, 2001, at 12:17:48
Hi Becky!
Thank you so much for replying to my message. Yes! Sure seems we can "relate" to one another (with all the meds we've been on < g >). It sounds like your dad and myself might have a few things in common as well. I too have resorted to alcohol abuse to help alleviate anxiety and give me a "temporary" break from my depression. Fortunately, I never got as bad as your dad...but I COULD have, very easily. Ironically, it's probably my Lyme Disease that prevented me from becoming a "classic" alcoholic. You see, I could never drink on a daily basis, and I always needed LOTS of recovery time in between "binges."
I'm lucky too in that I've never suffered from panic attacks (although I came close to experiencing what I'd call "borderline panic" due to terrible side effects of an antidepressant I took once. Ironically, that med was Effexor. LOL...funny how we all react differently to these things < g >. Doxepin had such a powerful sedative effect on me that it made me SUICIDAL too. I'm really sensitive to meds that make me feel weak or tired).
I have, however, suffered from what I'd call "social anxiety" for most all my life. It wasn't so bad that it showed though (in other words, I could "mix" well in a crowd, and hide it quite effectively). Also, like you, no one would ever know just how bad my depression really is. When I'm REALLY bad, I avoid people. In other words, I avoid people when I CANNOT hide my depression from them < g >. Maybe that explains why I've been avoiding more social situations in recent years (the depression got too bad to "hide").
I seem to have this thing about me where I NEED to at least APPEAR happy, considerate, kind, enthusiastic, intelligent, and supportive when I'm in a public place. I feel I owe that to the people around me. But those closest to me, see all the "ugliness" that I hide from the public. Kind of ironic, huh? It should probably be the other way around < g >.
I can hardly believe you've been dealing with these problems since age 14!!! OMG!!! I didn't begin experiencing clinical depression until I was 27 or 28 years old, and events in my life at that time probably triggered it. In fact, going on antidepressants for the first time in my life (at that time) was probably a bad thing, because I took them to treat a "situational" depression. Years later, it turned into a bona fide clinical depression (maybe BECAUSE I messed up my mind/body with antidepressants? I don't like contemplating that possibility < g >).
What part of the country do you live in, if you don't mind me asking? I live in Northern California. Feel free to e-mail me too, if you'd like! Thanks again for writing, and nice "meeting" you.
Sincerely, Bob :)
> I read your post and just wanted to say that I agree with your thoughts. I too have many other medical problems that I seem to be able to cope with when my medications work for my depression. I have been on tranzene, doxepin, zoloft, celeza, paxil, prozac, remeron, serezone (sp)lithium, wellbutrin---(never again), I have added cytomel to augment prozac-it didn't help. I am now adding effexor xr to my drug regiman of prozac and doxepin. In addition to xanax to control my panic attacks and anxiety. I have bounced from one drug to another also. I recently tried Kava Kava root for anxiety, it gave me horrible night mares and I decided I would stop medicating myself. I think that I might be immune to some of the drugs that I have taken for 10+ years. I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. I come from a family where my mother and father both have suffered from bouts of mental illness. My father was so depressed in 1994 that he became a shut in and began drinking so that he could relax, he drank so much beer that he depleted his sodium levels and had a major seizure, which left him in a coma and on life support. He had developed an ulcer from all of the worrying about his depression and the beer and alcohol probably caused the ulcer. That ulcer perforated and he had to undergo emergency surgery. He had to have 1/3 of his stomach removed and after surgery developed pneumonia and coughed his stitches open and had to had surgery again. He survived, but was placed in a mental hospital after his physical illness was taken care of. He didn't respond to traditional medication for depression and was given 13 shock treatments. Today, my father is a well man. The ECT was just what he needed. I have come to the conclusion, that when the time comes and I no longer respond to my medication that I may have to undergo ECT as well. I have suffered from depression and panic disorder and anxiety since I was 14, that was the year I tried my first suicide attempt. I fight what seems to be a never ending battle with my medication and illness. I have decided to do whatever is necessary to try and see if there is something to help. I know that there is no miracle cure in a pill, but I truly feel that when our brain chemicals do not function properly, then we lose control. I am glad that you posted. I really related to your situation. I am a 41 year old divorced female, I have no children, I didn't want any, I was afraid that they would have my genes. I have surfed the net for a website for depressed people and this is the best site so far.
>
> I am able to function on a daily basis and you would never know if you met me that I have these problems, I have learned to hide them. It has been terrible to act happy at times when I am not. I guess life goes on.
>
> If you ever need to vent, please feel free to email me.
>
> Becky
poster:BobJ1961
thread:66847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010618/msgs/67628.html