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Re: treatment resistant depression » JahL

Posted by sweetmarie on April 7, 2001, at 7:10:56

In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » sweetmarie, posted by JahL on April 6, 2001, at 16:11:52

>
> > >. Unfortunately for me, my mother is a counsellor.
>
> I'm sorry to hear that ;-)

Yes, it`s a bit of a pisser all round. The trouble is that she doesn`t accord me with the same treatment as she does her `clients`. She often tells me that she`s not going to talk to me any further unless I have `something positive to say`. I try to tell her that depression = negativity (no two ways about it), and she should know being a cousellor, but she says that I `haven`t lost my reasoning`. Well, yes actually I frequently do (lose my reasoning, that is). She came to it late in life - took her degree when she was about 58 - and I never understood why she chose to be a counsellor. My own experiences with therapy have been largely (probably about 85%) discussing her, and the problems I`ve always had with her. However, this is a whole other subject. >

It makes me feel less isolated on this one!

You`re certainly not on your own there - during my 12-week `intensive` group psychotherapy course, I met two people - one who I started going out with and subsequently split up with, and another who I am still friends with. Both had nothing but contempt for the whole process (as I did), and it`s completely fair to say that we none of us gained a damn thing. Neal (ex) has a whole history of mental illness (depression/paranoia/self harm), which frankly was not going to be solved by just talking about it, and my other friend was (is) in a similar situation. In fact, we all used to laugh about the sessions afterwards (in so far as one can laugh, being depressed). I know of only one person who has gained anything from counselling. >

> > >These people seem to pick up on the minutest of irrelevant things.
>
> Tell me about it. I found I had to choose my words very carefully; any kind of negative expression was deemed to be proof that I had 'learned' negative thought processes, which 'obviously' were at the heart of my depression.

That`s what their textbooks tell them.

If only life were that simple.

Right.

In the end I resorted to using long words which they couldn't understand & so couldn't scrutinise or dissect!

That`s a good idea. Hadn`t thought of that. I`m actually seeing a counsellor at the minute. I started seeing him last November with the specific objective of trying to recover from this (afore mentioned) relationship. I told him that this is what I wanted to do it for, but thus far we`ve hardly even touched on it. You probably think that I`m being completely unassertive by not bringing the subject up, and talking about everything else but that. I`m afraid that it`s just `me` - I`m the same when I go to my 4-weekly appt with my psychiatrist. I may have spent the whole of the previous month lying on my bed contemplating suicide, but when I see her, I`m always `well, it`s been really bad, but ...` and put on my `stoic` mask. I suppose that I feel that I don`t want to `let her down`, which of course is absurd - that`s her job (and one that she gets paid obscene amounts of money for, I don`t doubt). I guess that I don`t want her to see me as some kind of moron; I want her to know that I`m intelligent and self-perceptive etc etc. I know this is silly, but I can`t help it.

I just want to say something that my current counsellor picked up on (I haven`t actually been to see him for the past 2 weeks - too ill). While I was standing outside the building, smoking and waiting for my appt time, I saw a big advertisement for the recent Beatles anthology. It boasted `27 number one hits`, and I was just idly thinking that they didn`t have 27 number ones, or perhaps they did etc. The thought barely took shape in my brain, it was so trivial. He (counsellor) is of the `I`m not going to say anything until you do` school of counsellors (the wisdom of which totally eludes me), so I told him about the poster. He then went on and on about the Beatles, their significance in my life blah blah. For goodness` sake, it was just a passing comment! They don`t have any particular relevance in my life, but I found myself talking about `Sgt Pepper` in great detail. Ludicrous. So why do I continue to go? Answer: I`m too worried about his reaction and hurting his feelings if I stop. As I said, ludicrous.
>
> My lifestyle was also under constant attack. As you say, try working or conducting a relationship when you're cataleptic.

It`s completely impossible.
>
Anyway, that`s about it on counsellors/talk therapy for the time being. It`s good to find someone else with the same views, although I`ve probably left you wondering at my paradoxical behaviour. I wonder about it too.

Anna.


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