Posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 7:11:34
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » SLS, posted by sweetmarie on April 4, 2001, at 13:35:52
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> I think that - finally - I`ve been referred to where I should have been referred to years ago (this specialist geezer). What I`m hoping is that with this new (and more specific) diagnosis, the field will be narrowed and therefore the medication range can be narrowed, or at least be a bit more accurate. My current psychiatrist (who I really rate), was really quite out of her depth with me and for the past year or so, was kind of chucking meds together and hoping for the best. >
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*a further p.s.*[I do apologise for this - I feel like I`ve been writing my memoirs. I totally sympathise with anyone who has fallen asleep/completely had enough of my ramblings.]
I just wanted to say that for ages and ages, I thought that my depression was simply to do with my circumstances, i.e. situational. I thought I was in the wrong relationship/wrong town/doing the wrong college course/mixing with the wrong people/being in the wrong job etc etc. I didn`t tell any of the GPs that were treating me that it had been a long-term problem (didn`t think it was relevant, due to the above mentioned convictions). I was always advised to `keep going`, `get out more`, `think of all the other people in the world who are in worse situations`, `not spend so much time "looking into my own navel"`. I have to say that this was always my parents` attitude, and I always went along with it, feeling guilty that I was being so selfish. This is the story I gave to those treating me, so they accepted it.
I did change things over the years, but it wasn`t until I moved from where I had been living for 6 years since graduating, back to my home town, with the notion that this would `sort it`, that I realised that it was something that wasn`t going away. It was only then that I was referred to a psychiatrist. Everyone - myself included - was then forced to concede that I had an illness. So, basically it`s only been seen as a `proper` illness, not a passing phase (or tendency for negativity) for the past 3 years.
The reason that I`m writing this, is mainly for those who feel the same way, i.e. to say that it`s not the product of introspective thinking, tendency to the `glass half empty` way of thinking, or self-indulgence (or even, as one friend put it - `thinking too much`). I thought it was for many years, mistakenly, and have therefore `lost` much time blaming external things and most of all myself for being a failure. I`m not saying that depression isn`t always a biological thing - I know that it is also often reactive. Nonetheless, it is NEVER a `failure`.
O.K., that`s more than enough about me.
Anna. > >
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poster:sweetmarie
thread:55847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010403/msgs/58892.html