Posted by Alii on February 12, 2001, at 10:53:15
Six hours til the pdoc appt. The past few days have been the lowest and darkest in a long time. I haven't been sleeping more than 2 hrs/night. I think one of the reasons I went off the meds (WB SR latest dosage was 300 mg/day and Buspar which I had only just started and had taken 5 days of 5 mg/night) was because of the marked increase in anxiety. The doc said that Buspar could help level out the additional anxiety the WB was causing. I was also taking Restoril for the insomnia caused by the WB. Not every night usually but once or twice a week when I took my second dose of the WB SR later than usual. I guess I'm asking if anyone has any ideas for sleep besides benzos. I'm worried about the long term effects of having to take them for more than two or three weeks straight. Things are so dismal I just know this will keep getting worse without sleep.
The sleeping pills aren't working now. I've been taking 30 mgs. before I try to go to bed and I feel so tired an hour after taking them (sooner now than I haven't been able to eat) but sleep is still elusive. When I did wake this morning I felt so ill, an effect the sleeping pills had been having as I've had to take them more than twice a week.
I know I need to eat and I know I need to sleep. Any ideas? I'm so frazzled. I'm beyond decision making. The depression is hitting so hard and pulling me down so low. Each time this ugly beast shows up it tries to take me lower and darker than the last episode. Is that just my feelings of shame over not being able to 'get well' for not kicking this f***er of a disease? I feel like this is my failing for not trying hard enough. For somehow it has to be my fault. I do know in some tiny ember deep down inside that this isn't my fault but that ember is fading fast.
So low,
Alii
poster:Alii
thread:53802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010212/msgs/53802.html