Posted by Rhainy on August 15, 2000, at 10:00:01
In reply to Re: Terrified: Falling in love, posted by Andre Allard on August 14, 2000, at 18:51:08
> Wow there Cass!You have only known the guy for a month and you are already planning the rest of your life with him. MISTAKE # 1!
I Must disagree here...I had met my Beloved only in letter and over the phone before meeting and falling in love On The Spot...10 years together, we have weathered many things, including the loss of our daughter who was stillborn. We are still Very Much In Love and Together. I will also mention at present we are going through a Very serious time in our relationship and dealing with some very difficult issues, which we are dealing with by openly and without judgement discussing and working through until we can come to a point of acceptable conclusion.
> You are making some demands in the relationship that you might not be aware of. You are demanding that this man love you forever and that he care about you in the same way you do for him. This is a big mistake. You cannot control his feelings. It might be that he will not love you as you do for him. And since you are demanding this from him, you are setting yourself up to be hurt and hurt badly.
>As long as *True Communications* are going on, the relationship can blossom the way it is Meant to happen...adn that does not allow for *Controling* issues to become issues. Yes I agree there are some *hidden* demands, but he will also have his own set of them. Yet if the relationship cannot delevope with full communications...an ending is pre-disposed to faliure regardless of the demands, hidden or otherwise.
> If you two do not stay together, I can guarantee you that if you really want to, you can meet someone else and fall in love. You might not be able to see this right know, but I guarantee it.
>I do not totally agree that one can *Always Find* another to fall in love with. There may or may not be that *One Person* but, I personally believe we all have a *Soulmate* tho maybe we have more than one..I could accept this as a possibility. I have found mine and though we have problems we work through them with deep Honest talks.
> By now, you might be saying, "who the hell does this guy think he is". Well, I have been in your exact situation, demanding the same things. Let's just say that my fairy tale did not come true and because of the mistakes I made (some are identical to yours) I do not think that I will ever get over that relationship.
>
You can get over the pain and hurt, I know, I was there too...It is a Long hard road, but very, very possible with good support and maybe even therapy. I know I needed it myself.> You have put yourself in a very, very, very vulnerable situation that I think only a trained psychiatrist can help you with. I am scared for you as well because I know how bad it hurts when things do not work out as planned. Good Luck!
Any relationship will put you in a Very Vunlerable position...but the key to making the relationship the best it can be regardless of the long term outcome is Open, Honest Clear Communications....without this any relationship is doomed to failure from the beginning IMHO.
Good luck to all,
Rhainy
poster:Rhainy
thread:42790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42962.html