Posted by Andre Allard on August 14, 2000, at 18:51:08
In reply to Terrified: Falling in love, posted by Cass on August 13, 2000, at 21:24:18
Wow there Cass!You have only known the guy for a month and you are already planning the rest of your life with him. MISTAKE # 1!
If a trained psychiatrist had just read your post he would have a lot to say about it. I have studied the causes and treatment of unsuccessful love so I might be able to help you a bit.
It is way to late to mention that a month into a relationship, you should be seeing him no more then once or twice a week. So I think it is safe to say that you jumped into things quickly.
If I met a wonderful women who did not even know if she would be staying in my city, I would right then and there make a choice to not become to close to her. If she did decide to stay, then I can let my feelings go. If she decides to move away I would obviousley be upset but I would not be devasted because I kept my space in case she did choose to move. Although I am sure he is a wonderful man, if you had done things this way you would be in a much better situation right know.
The fact is that you have already fallen in love. So forget what you have done and concentrate on what you have to do from here. If he decides not to stay you are going to be in a lot of trouble.
You are making some demands in the relationship that you might not be aware of. You are demanding that this man love you forever and that he care about you in the same way you do for him. This is a big mistake. You cannot control his feelings. It might be that he will not love you as you do for him. And since you are demanding this from him, you are setting yourself up to be hurt and hurt badly.
If you two do not stay together, I can guarantee you that if you really want to, you can meet someone else and fall in love. You might not be able to see this right know, but I guarantee it.
By now, you might be saying, "who the hell does this guy think he is". Well, I have been in your exact situation, demanding the same things. Let's just say that my fairy tale did not come true and because of the mistakes I made (some are identical to yours) I do not think that I will ever get over that relationship.
You have put yourself in a very, very, very vulnerable situation that I think only a trained psychiatrist can help you with. I am scared for you as well because I know how bad it hurts when things do not work out as planned. Good Luck!
poster:Andre Allard
thread:42790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42867.html