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Re: Cutting episodes-Shar

Posted by tina on July 4, 2000, at 21:57:33

In reply to Re: Cutting episodes-All, posted by shellie on July 4, 2000, at 20:24:01

"I think sometimes a lack of respecting boundaries can bring on feelings that lead to hurting oneself. IE, you feel so much under the microscope, and are so watched, and so criticized, there is at least one thing you can do that is your very own; your own voice in your own head thinking it, and your own hand doing it."

Shar: this statement rings very true with me as does your statement about anger in any form being forbidden in your home as a child. It was the same for me. Any negative emotion was frowned on and I was told over and over that pretty,smiling little girls get all the attention. Nobody wants to play with an angry cry-baby. Perhaps Greg is right when he says that it is a way of punishing myself in that I am so used to having to fake the happy that when the depression or anxiety comes to the surface as a frustrated strike at others, I feel it is my duty to punish myself for the outburst if no one else will. Oh well, didn't mean to start so much broohaha. just wanted to voice and opinion. My cutting isn't really dangerous, at least, to me it isn't. It makes me feel better and I figure whatever makes you feel better is a good thing. If it ain't broke don't fix it ya know? I'm not really seeking help for this because I do enjoy it so much. There are plenty of other things much more important that I need help with. I don't even tell my doc that I do this. Jeez, she would really try to force me into therapy real quick. Right now I just see a family doc and she gives me what I ask for and I leave. If she knew I hacked at myself with everything from garden shears to broken tree twigs, she'd think I was starkers. Ah well. What can you do. I like to cut. It brings me some peace so I won't stop, not for a while at least. Thanks for the concern though. Love you for it, you too Greg. Many hugs--Tina
> For me cutting feels different (although I've stopped now, I hope). I've done it when I feel really hurt, scared, and hopeless. It's sort of my way of saying "I give up, I am not normal, and I want to stop trying." Sometimes I really get tired of having to try so hard, particularly in relationships, which are so hard and sometimes painful for me. But it seems that I never can stop trying, so maybe somehow the cutting is related to control, in that I cause my own pain, rather than being hit by something in the world.
>
> When I cut though, I lose control. I can't always stop, and have had to go to the er. (never keep me though, luckily). So that is the main reason I have been able to stop. The last time, I felt depressed after, instead of relieved. So I keep trying to remember that.
>
> I'm not really sure how different this is from others; I've gotten myself confused. shellie


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