Posted by brian on May 28, 2000, at 13:26:19
In reply to Re: Thanks for the reminder, Kathie..., posted by claire 7 on May 27, 2000, at 17:23:19
First off, I feel that boBB performs a great service. By shaking up the discussion, he is (whether this is your goal or not, boBB) urging us to question the homogeneity of beliefs and opinions that sometimes dominate such discussion boards.
I first respond emotionally to beliefs that contrast with my own. Why? It's unsettling, I guess. Some of what boBB, and others, have written have shaken me a little. And the stakes can be a little higher when those contrasting beliefs threaten my definition of mental illness. After all, it's human to want to label something - to believe you understand that thing - in order to deal with it.
We see that in psychology all the time. The psychoanalyst scoffs at cognitive therapy. The behaviorist discredits psychopharmacology. Others have beliefs that question psychology as a whole. There are strong adherents to various schools of thought. They don't always play well together.
Once entrenched in a belief, it's painful to have that belief shaken. But I think it's healthy to have those beliefs shaken. Some of my professors in college said: religion is harmful. Religion excludes. Religion promotes unthinking faith. Many of those same professors had their own religion, but they called it humanism, or fatalism, or liberalism, or conservatism, etc. I'd even had a professor or two who graded based upon a student's adherence to the professor's beliefs. The professors took those believes as TRUTHS.
Well, if a belief is the same as a truth, then dissention shouldn't offend. You can't ridicule a tautology. But truths are few and far between. By listening to those beliefs that contrast with out own, we are given a valuable opportunity to question, and to grow. However, promoting an environment that stultifies those with divergent opinions is stagnating. To paraphrase Blake, you can't have creation without destruction. This is where the iconoclast performs a critical service.
On the other hand, this is a forum for support. And, boBB, when you post here, you should expect people to want to help you. If you are satisfied with your particular beliefs, why be so visibly shaken when someone challenges them? Why be so indignant when someone dares to "presume" to understand you? This is a HELP forum. That's why people come here. It's the nature of this discussion board. You have the right to use this as a soapbox (which I am doing now) but should you attack people when they attempt to offer insight? "You should gouge out your eye with a fork?" Are you hiding behind the bible to justify such violent words? Isn't this the same bible that has been used to justify the violence and exclusion you seem to oppose so strongly?
I defend the right to express any opinion, no matter how uncomfortable it might be to others. But I am against emotionally charged attacks, and especially threats. It's far too easy and safe to threaten others on the Internet. And either I'm way off base here, boBB, or you have offered threats to those you feel have imposed their belief system on you.
I swore off boBB's posts awhile ago, but got sucked back in with his (subject) "feelings" post.
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> It is interesting to me that so many people seem baffled by boBB's response. Though his particular reasons are his particular reasons, and mine are mine, I find I often respond negatively to "compassion". To some people "compassion" can feel demeaning, diminishing. I understand many of the reasons why this is true for me, and they are not all that surprising. Since it is obvious that most people on this site are sincerely interested in expanding their understanding of human behavior, dismissing boBB's response could represent a missed opportunity for such expansion. I'm suggesting that a negative response to what some would call compassion is not as aberrant as you may believe, and could be interesting to think about. It could also be profitable to think about our own styles of expressing compassion, as well as the content of that expression.
> P.S. I was just reminded of that cliched, popular complaint women were said to make about men a few years back. It was said that when women expressed their frustrations, fears, problems to males, the males invariably offered "solutions". Women, said those in the know, just wanted the guys to listen. (I always thought the gender issue was bogus, because both men and women seem to make this mistake with equal frequency, but I do believe it is usually a mistake.)
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> > I should have known that he wouldn't want any kind-hearted responses to his 'soul bearing'. What I can't figure out is why he bothered to answer Tina's question in the first place. Why would he want us to know how he feels, if he doesn't want us to care? I don't understand, he wants us to care about the "causes" he cares about, but he gets offended if we care about him.
> > ......whatever....I'm done...CarolAnn
poster:brian
thread:34648
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/34975.html