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It's all going hairy again

Posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 6:24:19

OK, maybe I just need a rant! The effexor has defintaley calmed my mood swings etc, and I am a much easier person to live and deal with now, but I feel so damned rubbish in myself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel in a state of panic most of the time, amd having huge difficulty facing up to anything (mainly work, I've been 3 hours late 3 days running now). I'm sititng here, at work, on the verge of tears for no reason, too scared to go get any lunch, and feelig sick because of the butterflies / tension in my stomach.

I thought Effexor would help with the "social phobia" side of everything? I'm scared I'm gonna lose my job soon as I'm getting too scared to come here.
I'm still sleeping badly, and this morning, I woke up early, but simply hid under the covers for 3 hours... Why?? And, I was having strange thoughts about pain - Not harming myself as such, but I felt I ought to be punished for feelingt he way I do, and it should be physical punishment (the idea I had in my head was a whipping my back). I'm scared cos I really seem to WANT to be caused physical pain right now, and is this only one step away from self harming??

I'm seeing doc tomorrow, but kinda needed a rant now, to try and calm myself down. I'm fed up of going two steps forward, and 3 steps back...

Nikki


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poster:NikkiT thread:33015
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