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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 6:24:19
OK, maybe I just need a rant! The effexor has defintaley calmed my mood swings etc, and I am a much easier person to live and deal with now, but I feel so damned rubbish in myself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel in a state of panic most of the time, amd having huge difficulty facing up to anything (mainly work, I've been 3 hours late 3 days running now). I'm sititng here, at work, on the verge of tears for no reason, too scared to go get any lunch, and feelig sick because of the butterflies / tension in my stomach.
I thought Effexor would help with the "social phobia" side of everything? I'm scared I'm gonna lose my job soon as I'm getting too scared to come here.
I'm still sleeping badly, and this morning, I woke up early, but simply hid under the covers for 3 hours... Why?? And, I was having strange thoughts about pain - Not harming myself as such, but I felt I ought to be punished for feelingt he way I do, and it should be physical punishment (the idea I had in my head was a whipping my back). I'm scared cos I really seem to WANT to be caused physical pain right now, and is this only one step away from self harming??I'm seeing doc tomorrow, but kinda needed a rant now, to try and calm myself down. I'm fed up of going two steps forward, and 3 steps back...
Nikki
Posted by tina on May 10, 2000, at 12:00:07
In reply to It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 6:24:19
Nikki: Please don't start the self-harm thing. I started it years ago and now it's my way OUT of every negative feeling I ever have. It's kind of an addiction now and I can't really control it. Please, please don't start it. I know exactly how you feel at work. I lost my job over it. I was late and absent and just not performing well. I hated the job anyway so it wasn't too sad my leaving it. Anyway, can you identify anything that is causing you to be so scared al the time? I never can, it just comes out of the blue. Talk to your pdoc and let me know how you're doing, ok? Please, really, don't let yourself start cutting. Be well--Tina
> OK, maybe I just need a rant! The effexor has defintaley calmed my mood swings etc, and I am a much easier person to live and deal with now, but I feel so damned rubbish in myself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel in a state of panic most of the time, amd having huge difficulty facing up to anything (mainly work, I've been 3 hours late 3 days running now). I'm sititng here, at work, on the verge of tears for no reason, too scared to go get any lunch, and feelig sick because of the butterflies / tension in my stomach.
>
> I thought Effexor would help with the "social phobia" side of everything? I'm scared I'm gonna lose my job soon as I'm getting too scared to come here.
> I'm still sleeping badly, and this morning, I woke up early, but simply hid under the covers for 3 hours... Why?? And, I was having strange thoughts about pain - Not harming myself as such, but I felt I ought to be punished for feelingt he way I do, and it should be physical punishment (the idea I had in my head was a whipping my back). I'm scared cos I really seem to WANT to be caused physical pain right now, and is this only one step away from self harming??
>
> I'm seeing doc tomorrow, but kinda needed a rant now, to try and calm myself down. I'm fed up of going two steps forward, and 3 steps back...
>
> Nikki
Posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 14:30:57
In reply to It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 6:24:19
Nikki,
How long have you been on the Effexor? Is that the only drug you're on?
Karen
Posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 16:03:23
In reply to Re: It's all going hairy again, posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 14:30:57
I've only been on the effexor 4 weeks now. I certainly feel very different on it, but not sure whether good or bad different...
Tina - Not sure I want to self harm.. It's more a feeling of needing to punished by others.. Does that make sense??
Nikki
> Nikki,
>
> How long have you been on the Effexor? Is that the only drug you're on?
>
> Karen
Posted by tina on May 10, 2000, at 16:26:40
In reply to Re: It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 16:03:23
It does make a lot of sense to me though it may not to others. I've been in therapy before(short periods only) and have tried to get to the root of the cause but with no luck. I WAS abused as a kid and wasn't able to talk about it until I was 18. I think I felt so bad and dirty that to this day I still feel I need to be punished for it. I always reproach myself for not being strong enough or brave enough to tell anyone, they might have stopped it, but I also feel that it was my fault somehow, that I encouraged the attention. I think thats why I do it but I have so much trouble stopping myself, i feel soooo much better after. I do it BECAUSE others won't punish me when I believe I deserve to be punished. Were there people who would openly criticize you in your past? My mother was very hard on me, never behaved the correct way when in public but there was never punishment from her, she just made me feel worthless and undervalued. Ubless I was perfect, I didn't warrant her attention so of course I was as bad as I could be. I learned to punish myself since she would not even take the time to pay attention enough when I behaved badly. Well, enough about me, I am however concerned about the way you feel. Have you investigated your past to figure out if it stems from there, something you don't think is relevant could be very impacting on your present. Take good care of yourself, thinking of you. there are many here who can give you good advice and ways to cope or just support and an open ear. Keep babblin' and it'll get better.
> I've only been on the effexor 4 weeks now. I certainly feel very different on it, but not sure whether good or bad different...
>
> Tina - Not sure I want to self harm.. It's more a feeling of needing to punished by others.. Does that make sense??
>
> Nikki
>
> > Nikki,
> >
> > How long have you been on the Effexor? Is that the only drug you're on?
> >
> > Karen
Posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 16:31:16
In reply to Re: It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 16:03:23
Nikki,
Don't give up. You do need to let your doc know exactly how you are feeling though. It doesn't sound like a good match to me but find out from your doc what he/she considers a fair trial on Effexor. If you should know already by 4 weeks - and I would think by then you should have a pretty good idea of what it's going to do - maybe it's time to try something else OR add something like Buspar for the anxiety you are experiencing.
Don't stop searching until you feel GOOD. None of this low-level-depression-but-at-least-I'm-not-suicidal nonsense, OK? You deserve to be well, healthy and happy.
Keep us posted. So good to hear from you again.
Karen
This is the end of the thread.
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