Posted by forthfore on April 14, 2000, at 2:10:32
In reply to Suicide, posted by In Need on April 13, 2000, at 22:58:48
When I'm suicidal I believe I’m omniscient. I’m convinced this bleak, painful little world I’m in stretches out in all directions and eternally into the future. I see it stretching back eternally into the past.
I see no doors, I see no meaning, I see no light, I can’t imagine any comfort. I can't imagine anything in the future that won't hurt. Everything hurts now and it seems everything has always hurt.
But I am not omniscient. I really know nothing. Sometimes I quote Hamlet to myself to remind me - "there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Okay, granted he was talking about the horror of encountering the ghost of his dead murdered father. (But at those times I’d probably be relieved to see a ghost like that. Someone I could relate to anyway).
The point is it reminds me of all I don't know, haven't seen, haven't tried, haven't imagined... the wide open world that surrounds and dwarfs the dark corner in which I've buried myself.
I have had long-term depression. Dysthymia since I was 12, recurrent major depression and social phobia. I could give you a laundry list of other misfortunes. I guarantee you I've considered myself doomed. But even for me the whole world has changed on a dime. It's happened a few times. A few times when I've least expected it. Enough to humble me.
You’re right to ask for help – in your own way you’re calling to the wide open world. And I’m calling back to you. It’s here. Even though you can’t see it because you’re staring at a black wall that seems to stretch forever. Keep asking for help – there are many people who want to help – many kinds of help to receive – and many places to find it.
***
> Tell me why people who are homeless should not commit suicide, and tell me why people who are terminally ill and suffering should not commit suicide. Tell me why someone who is chronically unhappy (myself) should not commit suicide. Joy is dependent on good fortune. Fortunate people don't realize that. I will ignore judgemental "religious" answers. I need help.
poster:forthfore
thread:29931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000411/msgs/29946.html