Posted by JanetR on March 14, 2000, at 0:33:41
In reply to you probably figured it out......but, posted by harry b. on March 13, 2000, at 23:53:56
> I have not said this specifically, but if you've read
> between the lines you probably know.
>
> If the spectrum of sexuality is 0=strictly heterosexual
> and 5=true bisexuality and 10=strictly homosexual,
> I would be a 7, maybe even an 8.
>
> That is the core issue of my depression. I have known
> of my sexuality since I was 15yrs old. I hated it then
> and I still hate it now. I basically hate myself for
> what I am. That of course has led to my isolation.
> It's a paradox. I'm afraid if I tell people, they will
> reject me. To avoid the perceived rejection, I hide it
> and isolate myself, thus self-creating my loneliness
> and rejection. The recent crisis with my old friend
> put me over the edge.
>
> I'm masculine, have no 'gay' affectations and I can 'pass'
> as a straight man anywhere. I'm nearly 50yrs old and have
> decided that I'd best try to accept and love myself.
> If I can manage that, maybe, just maybe, I could find
> the loving, intimate relationship that I so desperately
> feel a need for.
>
> My new friend is a bit of a puzzle. I'm attracted to him
> because of his open, kind, loving nature. Not because
> he's a hunk, because he isn't. That's the kind of
> relationship I yearn for. Based on trust, caring, and
> love, not limited to physical appearance.
>
> If anyone has any rude or prejudiced comments to make,
> keep them to yourselves. I've called myself things that
> you sure couldn't top.
>
> Anyway, welcome to harry's coming out party. It's a
> start.
>
> Thanks for the invitation! My brother is homosexual and I know how much he has suffered because of rejection. He does have slight mannerisms and although he is extremely intelligent he had to leave school early because of the cruel comments made by teachers and classmates. Another life wasted. This was 30 years ago and I don't know if things have improved since then. He is one of the most generous, kindest people you could ever wish to meet. But even so my Irish, Catholic working- class parents threw him out when he did 'come out'at the age of 18. How people can judge others on the basis of their sexual orientation is beyond me. The irony of it all, is that my mother had a stroke a year ago and he is the only one of 7 children who has the love, patience and kindness to nurse her. He has suffered also and has built up his defences. I just feel sorry for the waste of a life . He is so very intelligent and talented. Anyhow I don't think you are going to be rejected by anyone on this board. I'm sure we've all suffered for diverging from the "normal"in various ways . I'm glad you have decided to accept yourself . It is the first and most important step of a new journey. Good Luck and may you find love and happiness along the way . Jan
>
>
poster:JanetR
thread:26935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/26938.html