Posted by Noa on January 15, 2000, at 10:03:42
In reply to Re: Are Benzodiazepines Like Alcohol?, posted by Scott L. Schofield on January 14, 2000, at 9:03:45
> I've been accused of being manic several times in the passed. Believe me, it was a real pain in the ass.
Scott, I am sad to read that the questions/suggestions about being manic seem like "accusations". To me, an accusation is a claim that one has DONE something WRONG. It implies some control over what is going on. In contrast, I see manic symptoms as something no one would ever ask for, nor can control. Speaking for myself, when I mentioned the idea to Phillip, it was out of concern, and certainly not at attack on him, his character, or his actions. Just some feedback.
A number of years ago, after moving to a new location, and after having had a few good years, relatively depression-free, I started seeing a new therapist. I thought the issue at hand was having broken up with a boyfriend. She confronted me with the idea that I have a "lifelong" depression that needed pharmacological treatment. I had prided myself in "overcoming" my depression, and did not want to accept the idea that it was of a recurring variety. I was hurt and angry at her. I think this was in part because the idea of recurring depression raises the spectre of having to deal with it the rest of my life. All of my hope until then had been placed in the basket of thinking of my depression as something I had and am done with. Of course, I came to see that she was right.
I have had other disillusionments since then. All the hope I placed in different meds, or combos thereof, or in certain changes I made in my life. I now know that it is all so complex. What I am working on now is the idea that having a recurring form of this illness doesn't have to mean hopelessness. This isn't easy, though, because it has felt like every time I am beginning to get my life in gear, I am whalloped with another episode of bad depression. This makes it hard to let go of the constant feelings of futility and anxiety. So, my goal is to try to get and maintain control over the severe episodes. If I can get some stability back, then I might be able to start feeling some long term hopefulness.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I think stability is the key. Trying to get control over the cycling, whether you have unipolar or bipolar, is a necessary first step. That is why people, myself included, might have confronted Phillip, or others before, to provide honest feedback that he is giving an impression of having manic symptoms. Not at all an accusation.