Posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 19:45:58
In reply to Re: Everybody must be feelin' great! -- Kath, posted by coral on June 7, 2006, at 12:31:23
I think the 'letting loose of the dam' analogy is a very good one.
When my dad died when I was 14, I was left alone with psycho-mom. My older sis got to go live with a dearly loved aunt and uncle. In those days, people didn't talk to kids about death (part of the American dream?). So, I was pretty much on my own, and got into a lot of bad habits pretty fast.
It took me decades to have the "Great Catharsis." It was a wonderful dream. I went into a beautiful, beachfront house (I have no idea where). My dad was there all dressed in white, and the first thing I did was run up into his arms and say "I don't want you to die!" And, we just hugged for a long time.
Then, we went for a walk on the beach, holding hands, and -- I guess it was a younger me --we talked about all the things he would miss. My high school prom, graduation, college graduation, marriage, walking me down the aisle, his grandchildren, and I got to tell him how much I would miss him. Even now, I do--but not to a devastating extent, as before.
I think we all deal with these things in our own ways, in our own time, and, really, my belief is, the pain can stop being a major focus, but it never really goes away completely. IMHO.
Coral, Kath--y'all have my complete sympathy, and are in my heart. I understand the exhaustion; it can come in many ways.