Posted by allisonm on May 7, 2002, at 23:25:45
In reply to Re: OK, here's a new question for ya » allisonm, posted by judy1 on May 7, 2002, at 11:46:20
Judy,
Thanks for writing. I try not to go into my situation because I don't want to bore people or solicit sympathy. I started seeing a psychiatrist more than 4 years ago. I see him once a week. He is my therapist and prescribes my ADs. I have had chronic refractory depression for many years, stretching way back into childhood. It just wasn't recognized. Things really blew up in 1998 when my marriage started to fail (I didn't see it coming) and my alcoholic mother's health continued to decline. My ex moved out and my mom died unexpectedly within 10 days of each other. I think my divorce reminded her of her own and pretty much put her over the edge. She increased her drinking and her body just quit. I had been married 13 years; he ran off with another woman. I am now 40. It took a few years to get through that, getting divorced, selling my mom's house, etc. Last summer I decided since I had nothing holding me back (no siblings, no children), I would go back to school. I am a grad student working on my master's in horticulture. I am a journalist by trade, so this is quite a change. It has been very stressful not having been in school for 20 years. And it is a tough school. I am a perfectionist, obsessive (I've learned), so it's hard for me to try to get all of this work done when I'm trying to do it all perfectly. I work and study among some professors who are pretty famous in their field, so it's daunting being a student of theirs knowing their accomplishments.
I don't really have time to meditate. I used to swim when I had a career, but school takes up a lot more time than any job I've had. It is the end of the semester. Finals start friday. I just spent three full days working on a 25 page paper that I just turned in today. Lots of pressure right now.
With Zoloft, I had tremor, felt as though I was racing in my own body. It was the first thing I tried and it felt awful. Effexor did the same thing but worse. I tried Celexa a year ago last winter. It slowed me down to the point where I had no energy and could get nothing done. I lost interest in everything, stopped going to rehearsals, meetings, classes for the "hobby" "special interest" things I used to do. The house became a pit. I had trouble getting the energy together to get to work and to get work done. I didn't care about anything AND I had tremor too. For a while I thought I just had a very longterm case of flu. Finally got off of it. My pdoc has mentioned on more than one occasion that I seem to be extremely sensitive to serotonin. I think he is trying to get back to it to help with the obsessive worry I have been experiencing.
Thanks for the comment on benzos. I don't like taking drugs but have given up the idea of ever getting off them. It's just that I guess I have an image of myself that I shouldn't have to need or depend upon a tranquilizer to get through life. That's all.
It could be possible that hormones are doing things. I know I get a lot worse before my periods start. I am on no birth control.
Thanks for your input!
Allison
poster:allisonm
thread:241
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20020416/msgs/243.html