Posted by allisonm on April 23, 2002, at 22:07:14
In reply to Alli? Been meaning to ask..., posted by Greg on April 22, 2002, at 19:42:55
I am taking 12 credits plus a 3-hr. audit, which doesn't sound like much, but is.
There's general biology, plant biology (plant function and growth), ecological orchard mgt., mycology, and a horticulture class on interior (tropical) plants. In the fall semester, I'm taking botany, herbaceous plants, landscape management, taxonomy of cultivated plants, and a 10-week seminar series.
I just turned in a 1-year pesticide and fertilizer spray plan (for maintenence and infestation, nutrient depletion) for a 2-acre block of 5-year-old Gala, Mutsu, Cortland, Jonagold, and Red Delicious trees, on dwarf rootstock and planted in a high-density formation. Just turned in a paper on Fusarium oxysporum in tulip. Next is a paper for the interior plant class, and then a 25-pager on pesticides, the media and public opinion for the orchard class. Classes end May 4. Then finals. Bio test tomorrow night on mitosis, meiosis, and Mendelian genetic theory. This is my first semester in school since I finished my undergrad work in 1983. It's a little strange to be old enough to be some students' mother, but everyone gets along very well and my professors are great.
I work in the department administrative offices to make a little money, and I also am helping in a multi-year trial of Holland bulbs... counting daffodil, narcissus, tulip, hyacinth, lily, iris bulb emergence, number of blooms, bloom start and end dates, height, blah, blah, blah.
Loans are piling up. But it is refreshing not to be earning a salary. I don't buy anything, or even wish about it because there's no question that there's no $$. Before I would have bought whatever it was and reasoned with myself that it was OK to spend the money because I could earn it back... while I went further into debt.
My anxiety levels have escalated to pretty unbearable levels. I can't seem to keep my emotions in check. I wept in class yesterday, and at my desk today. Some of my professors are noticing the stress and telling me not to stress and take care of myself. It's embarrassing. I've been taking Ativan every day now for about 2 weeks because so much end-of-semester stuff has come to bear. My Pdoc is talking about trying SSRIs again. I hate SSRIs. I like my current combo of Wellbutrin SR, Serzone and Ativan when needed. But that doesn't seem to be working or helping me a lot right now. I am afraid to make a switch until finals are over. In the meantime I am figuratively pulling my hair out. My pdoc has been great -- I now drive 4 hours a week to see him; my student insurance won't pay for my appointments with him, and they pay a pretty small share of the meds.
That's the bleak side. Did I paint it good? On the other hand, I cannot imagine still working where I was. It is completely thrilling and exhilirating to be learning so much very cool stuff. As I mentioned, my classmates are terrific and my professors (most of whom are not too much older than I am), treat me more as an equal than a student. I have made a good friend who is from Kenya. We're moving into an apartment in May. She and I enjoy each other's company and are learning a whole lot about each other's culture. My "boyfriend" and I still are seeing each other, although long-distance is hard. We talk on the phone at least once a day. There were great difficulties last fall when I found out about some infidelities ... something we are working on and continue to talk about. Distance makes that harder to work on.
I still miss my mother terribly -- especially on holidays. It's been almost 4 years now since she died.
That's about it.
Love ya always,
Alli
poster:allisonm
thread:94
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20020416/msgs/122.html