Posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 0:03:14
In reply to Re: Suicide-Another confession..., posted by Noa on September 29, 1999, at 22:26:10
> Don't know if my thoughts make sense to y'all, but thanks for being there for me to share them.
I hear you loud and clear. I don't have impulsive thoughts of suicide anymore. At least, not any that I take seriously. That little nasty voice can pop up at opportune low spells during the good times, but I laught that off before the thought is finished.
My thoughts of suicide are planful, calculating, and driven. Last month, I made sure I didn't let anything leak. I didn't want my girlfriend to know. I didn't want my co-workers or family to know. I didn't want my pdoc to know. But like you, Noa, I can't lie to my therapist. It's the only safety I have left. As soon as things got planful, I fessed up to her before it got too consuming.
Somehow, letting out the secret spoiled the plan.
One of the worst things about the human mind is that it tries to complete a picture when it doesn't have enough information. It's so easy for those left behind to find needles in haystacks of blame and rationalized how they could have done something. That may be true for the more impulsive suicides -- the cries for help that cry too weakly. But when someone turns their fear of death to faith for relief, I doubt there are many tracks left behind.
Bob
poster:Bob
thread:12211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12288.html