Posted by George O. on October 8, 1998, at 11:09:49
In reply to Why Me??, posted by Lisa on October 7, 1998, at 13:10:38
> Ok. That may sound like a selfish subject line considering that many of us referring to these posts are all suffering, but I still can't help but ask "why me?"
> For years I suffered from recurring bouts of depression, some mild and some debilitating, but I always managed to pull through. It was the anxiety and panic that were the major culprits. So many suicide attempts. Thank God they were more of the classic cry for help types, although on occasion, I did manage to come quite close. Not one attempt in the past four years. I applaud myself for that, but I had come to terms with a diagnosis of chronic panic disorder and recurring depression. This new bipolar diagnosis scares the hell out me!
> In the past week I've done much research. Can't believe I never paid attention to this illness before. It's so frightening to identify your manic episodes (even if mine are mild) and come to terms with the fact that I was out of control. I thought I was fantastic at those times, unbeateable, a special human being. Now I know that I was irrational, impulsive, and damn arrogant. I'm not pleased with myself.
> Now it's time to come to terms with all this. I desperately need to talk, but my current doctor does not possess much empathy, so I'm in the middle of switching doctors. Thankfully, my family is supportive only they can not comprehend what I'm going through. I've been on Nuerontin for a week; still to early to make any difference in how I feel or to know if it will help at all.
> I'm so horribly terrified and so alone.
> LisaI have a long history of treatment depression, with sometimes rapid cycling, sometimes not. Neurontin (sp) is the only thing I haven't tried and as you said it takes a long time to work. I told my doctor I'd like to try an atypical antipsychotic first (before starting neurontin), as they work faster and in my opinion would be more helpfull in my particulal case (personality disorder, substance abuse history). I've been on seroquel (new) five days and have noticed major improvements, mostly less confusion and improved concentration. The latter is a miracle, as most meds impair me terribly. I will probably start neurontin soon, but am glad I was able to start the seroquel first , as it really did work quickly. My anxiety level is also greatly reduced, I've had problems in the past with meds which would help the anxiety but worsten the depression, or vice versa. If you search pharmocology tips using "zyprexa depression" there are some good articles on this type of therapy, good luck!
poster:George O.
thread:841
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990201/msgs/847.html