Posted by Racer on August 27, 1998, at 17:12:39
I called the county. This doctor is truly the only one available for me. The other doctor for the county only sees children.
So, realistically, I am stuck with this doctor. I did call the patients rights advocate, who said that he'd keep my complaint confidential, that he got good and bad feedback on all the doctors, had good feedback on this one and also the same feedback I had given about her. There are no other doctors available, however.
My concerns are that since she didn't pay attention to my questions about the drug, Serzone, she won't pay attention to side effects. I'm afraid that she'll write off any side effects as "part of my pathology" which has happened before. (Including the dr who said I was "incurable" and should just get used to being depressed. Wish people like that would GO TO psychiatrists instead of BECOMING psychiatrists.) Since I can't see a doctor to find out if the things I'm worrying about are happening, like is the disorientation normal? Is the dizziness likely to pass? Is my blood pressure lower than usual, or is this feeling related to anxiety about the fact that I have a drug (OK, this part is pathology: my mother was so fiercly anti-any-kind-of-drug that it's hard for me to take aspirin, so think how other drugs affect me!) floating around in my system doing god-knows-what? Can anyone out there think of anything useful to say?
thanks for taking the time to read this. I do realize that it sounds like the depression is coloring my views here, and I'm sure it is. The sad fact is that this county does not have one single private practice psychiatrist willing to see the county's patients. Maybe I am asking too much, or over reacting, but keep in mind, it's frightening enough to be asked to take these damn drugs, even with the hope of them helping, without having that fear dismissed. Remember, the fear may be unreasonable, it may be caused by the pathology the drugs are created to help, but the FEAR IS REAL to those of us who are experiencing it. Besides, for me at least, depression is tied up in feelings of being unable to control aspects of my life. Taking away the control of my own body, which is what giving me drugs without my input feels like, does not do anything therapeutic. Give me the information to help me make the decision to try the drug. Don't just tell me that "it's good for what ails me." And maybe listen when I say that I have concerns. Just a suggestion.
BTW, yes, I have been to psychopharmacologists who were wonderful. They do exist. That's what makes this so devastating. I held on through the worst episode of depression of my life for the five weeks it took to get an appointment to see this doctor. I didn't kill myself, though it seemed the best option open to me. At the end of this struggle, to find that this was the treatment available to me was totally devastating. I'm back to thinking that suicide probably is the best option since I'm not even worth decent psychiatric care. Damn. Depression is bad enough without the treatment making it worse.
(And if you are a new-to-practice doctor reading this, please pay attention and learn something so that your patients never write this.)
poster:Racer
thread:409
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19980801/msgs/409.html