Posted by Racer on August 28, 1998, at 16:24:00
In reply to Re: Update. Wanna offer support?, posted by Toby on August 28, 1998, at 10:05:54
Not really anything to do with the drugs. Except the parts that really are physical (constipation, lack of appetite, headache, etc), but really just the fact that the damn doctor ignored me, dismissed my concerns as simply the depression, and didn't treat me with basic respect. Between my legitimate concerns that the doctor will not listen to me later on if other side effects occur or if the drug doesn't work at the level she thinks it will, and we'll end up running through lots of other drugs and failing and that I can't hold on that long; my fear that she'll decide, based on my anger at the treatment, that I'm really not depressed and put me on something worse since I'm not being nice enough to her; and just the fact that I am so very angry at the treatment so far and feel that I have to keep it all inside to protect myself; well, I'm not in very great shape, and don't know what to do.
What to do is simple: find a decent doctor. That's not possible. So, next best: tell the doctor why I think she's not treating me appropriately (in terms of respect, etc.). What's that going to accomplish? Nothing. The woman is not capable of doing otherwise. What do I risk by doing this? Being written up as a danger to myself and being involuntarily hospitalized. Or deciding that the depression must be something else because it's not responding to the dosage she thinks should be appropriate and switch me over to an anti-psychotic or somehting? (Don't say my imagination is too good: I have none. This really did happen once to me. The doctor couldn't believe that Paxil wasn't making any difference at 20mg, so tried to switch me to another drug that I looked up and refused to take. I talked him into upping the Paxil, which finally started kicking in around 30mg and worked OK at 45mg, though the side effects were pretty awful. Yeah, I am scared about that happening again. Especially since that doctor I could talk to and because I am much less motivated to live now. I'm using the "just don't kill yourself until after this appointment" and "give the drugs a week to see what happens, then if you still want to you can kill yourself" to keep myself going. I don't have a lot of energy left for this whole thing. I'm ready to have something go well without having to fight for it, there's not enough fight left in me now.)
So, thanks. At this point I think the emotional side effects of the damn doctor are more of a problem than any physical side effects of the drug. If anyone sends me a SASE, I'll cut off some of my anger that is just sitting around and send it to you, though. That might help.
poster:Racer
thread:409
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19980801/msgs/429.html