Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1097414

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Mortified myself

Posted by Clearskies on March 17, 2018, at 23:47:51

(Im using this as a diary, so it is exempt from the 3-in-a-row rule)

I didnt know what Friends With Benefits were.
I got divorced, you see, but I hadnt been unfaithful. Only mentally ill, addicted, and abused.

So when someone I considered Someone I know and who I would talk to in the supermarket proposed a different approach to the relationship, I had no f*ck*ng idea what an FWB meant. Was it like LBQT? I was way too embarrassed to even ask. I mean, Im younger.Im supposed to do these things, right?? I havent watched tv in 2 years. I dont know what any of the vernacular means. I mean, I havent even been able to READ because of my depression.

I have messed it up every step of the way. Ive misunderstood, not known what phrases mean in the modern vernacular, for goodness sake; and Ive capped it off by now gradually recovering the memory of a conversation that would have removed our present estrangement entirely. Which I caused simply by not remembering a conversation that I much later realised Id had with him, of course.

And my massive crush continues unabated.

 

Re: Mortified myself

Posted by baseball55 on March 19, 2018, at 17:47:08

In reply to Mortified myself, posted by Clearskies on March 17, 2018, at 23:47:51

I find myself smiling at this, though I understand for you it isn't funny. But really, how would you know this stuff unless you had teenager/young adult children? And I do, but still don't entirely get the FWB concept.

My daughter is 29 and just got married. Then she was working with this guy and pondering an affair - like why can't we just be FWB and my husband and I just have and open marriage. I told her things don't work like that in real life. Affairs are affairs. They don't just skate along as FWB. People get attached. Marriages fall apart. Open marriages end in closed divorces.

But still. Maybe if I was in my 40s, unmarried, not looking for anything deep or lasting, an FWB relationship would be nice. But personally, I think I tend to get too attached to have that work for me.


> (Im using this as a diary, so it is exempt from the 3-in-a-row rule)
>
> I didnt know what Friends With Benefits were.
> I got divorced, you see, but I hadnt been unfaithful. Only mentally ill, addicted, and abused.
>
> So when someone I considered Someone I know and who I would talk to in the supermarket proposed a different approach to the relationship, I had no f*ck*ng idea what an FWB meant. Was it like LBQT? I was way too embarrassed to even ask. I mean, Im younger.Im supposed to do these things, right?? I havent watched tv in 2 years. I dont know what any of the vernacular means. I mean, I havent even been able to READ because of my depression.
>
> I have messed it up every step of the way. Ive misunderstood, not known what phrases mean in the modern vernacular, for goodness sake; and Ive capped it off by now gradually recovering the memory of a conversation that would have removed our present estrangement entirely. Which I caused simply by not remembering a conversation that I much later realised Id had with him, of course.
>
> And my massive crush continues unabated.

 

Re: Mortified myself Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2018, at 1:26:03

In reply to Mortified myself, posted by Clearskies on March 17, 2018, at 23:47:51

I'm not sure I follow... You haven't heard from him in a while and you got to wondering why... And now you are thinking that he got the wrong message from you at some point...

?

Are you going to get back in touch?

I have had that kind of relationship before, and it actually worked pretty well for us both, for a time. Sort of on and then off over... Years, really.

He was a fairly easy-going guy, though, and we both saw that we were heading in different directions into the future.

We were able to take breaks in the benefits when he pursued something more seriously with someone else. And when I started to feel like it wasn't good for me, anymore.

Maybe part of what held things together was that he was a pot-smoker so we used to smoke when we were together. Smoke pot and play cards... Or talk about classes (once he was studying at uni).

I caught up with him years later (once I'd quit the smoking) and... We didn't have anything in common, anymore.

I guess friendship can be retained if you have more in common than the chemistry sort of spark... There are quite a few guys who don't belive it is possible to be 'just friends' with women... But then there are guys who genuinely do enjoy hanging out. Usually... If you have something you like to do together (other than the benefits thing).

Just my experience..

Are you ok?

 

Re: Mortified myself alexandra_k

Posted by Clearskies on March 27, 2018, at 1:34:24

In reply to Re: Mortified myself Clearskies, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2018, at 1:26:03

Im not ok. Im going through something, I dont know what, and Im overreacting to everything. Whether its guilt, shame, sadness, loss, Im feeling them at excruciating levels. It's freaking him and me out.

For now Ive suggested that benefits be suspended while Im in this hysteria or whatever it is.

Cs

 

Re: Mortified myself Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2018, at 2:14:14

In reply to Re: Mortified myself alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on March 27, 2018, at 1:34:24

I freak out when I feel too close to people... I don't know if that is what is going on for you...

I'm the sort of person who needs to sleep in a warm bed with one leg out in the cold so I don't overheat. I've recently discovered eating ice-cream in the bath and it is just *AMAZING*. In case you happen to have a bath and haven't tried that, yet.

I find the push-pull thing too hard. The longing to be closer and the needing to flee. Everything feels magnified and overwhelming and I'm horrified and ashamed etc at myself...

Is it how baggage feels? I don't know. I think I needed to be pretty stoned to have ever gotten to be intimate with anyone at all, honestly...

Hang in there. I'm sure it will start to feel better... (((you)))

 

Re: Mortified myself

Posted by baseball55 on March 27, 2018, at 20:23:35

In reply to Re: Mortified myself alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on March 27, 2018, at 1:34:24

> Im not ok. Im going through something, I dont know what, and Im overreacting to everything. Whether its guilt, shame, sadness, loss, Im feeling them at excruciating levels. It's freaking him and me out.
>
> For now Ive suggested that benefits be suspended while Im in this hysteria or whatever it is.
>
> Cs

I'm sorry you're not okay. Keep us posted and we will do what we can to help and support you.

 

Re: Mortified myself baseball55

Posted by Clearskies on March 27, 2018, at 20:26:06

In reply to Re: Mortified myself, posted by baseball55 on March 27, 2018, at 20:23:35

Thank you! This place still feels like Home.


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