Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1092918

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Lately

Posted by Clearskies on November 3, 2016, at 23:17:00

My sucesses have been achieved by setting the bar lower.
It hurt at the time but my pride got over it. Feels good to achieve things finally, instead of not being able to do anything. Set that bar lower. Magic.

I joined the Y!!! because my neighbor came with me, with the same anxieties. It made that first, blindingly fast class seem tolerable. I only cried once. Plus the whirlpool.

Oh, and parts of my apartment are clean.

 

Re: Lately Clearskies

Posted by SLS on November 4, 2016, at 6:26:22

In reply to Lately, posted by Clearskies on November 3, 2016, at 23:17:00

> My sucesses have been achieved by setting the bar lower.
> It hurt at the time but my pride got over it. Feels good to achieve things finally, instead of not being able to do anything. Set that bar lower. Magic.
>
> I joined the Y!!! because my neighbor came with me, with the same anxieties. It made that first, blindingly fast class seem tolerable. I only cried once. Plus the whirlpool.
>
> Oh, and parts of my apartment are clean.

I am closer to "lowering the bar". I don't want to, damn it, but I think I might accomplish more with your ways of dealing with things.

You are absolutely right about accepting one's challenges and to work with them instead of against them. Yes, the acceptance is the hardest part, especially when I was functioning at a much higher level before getting sick. I could write a lot more here, but it would only serve to immerse us in negative and demoralizing thinking.

I have had to accept going from being one of the brightest people in the room to being one of the most dull-witted. The ways in which my depression affects me leave me feeling subhuman.


- Scott

 

Re: Lately

Posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2016, at 23:34:40

In reply to Lately, posted by Clearskies on November 3, 2016, at 23:17:00

Good for you.

It's too easy to focus on where you want to end up and to become so disheartened by where you are so as to give up.

At least... It is easy for me. I think it is easy for most people.

To focus on the very fit people or the best athlete. The feats of engineering or mathematics... Whatever it is...

To lose sight of the idea of small steps from where one is now to the eventual goal...

In the anatomy museum there are loads of plastic models. Some of them are very coarse grained... But there is this model of the brainstem / hindbrain... Lots of plastic bits. I feel like an idiot... But spending an awful lot of time with the model... Really focusing on different things... Which structure is superior to which structure... Which structure is lateral to the anterior lateral ventricle again (yeah, for the 9th time because I keep on forgetting)... It's in finding the strength to... Focus on the basics... To really gain mastery over the basics... That got me aceing that anatomy exam. Most people are all about how this and that and the next thing are EASY and they will laugh at you for doing them...

But those are the things that actually work / are most effective.

Most people are too hung up on APPEARING to have mastery to be centred enough to do the things that will actually result in their gaining mastery.

But it is hardest before the results come in...

Congrats on you for joining.

I remember first joining the gym. One of the scariest things I've done in my life...

 

Thank you Clearskies alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on November 5, 2016, at 7:22:53

In reply to Re: Lately, posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2016, at 23:34:40

You guys have helped me immensely with your ideas. I hope I can put them into practice.


- Scott

 

Re: Thank you

Posted by Clearskies on November 5, 2016, at 12:32:43

In reply to Thank you Clearskies alexandra_k, posted by SLS on November 5, 2016, at 7:22:53

You both remind me why I love this community.

 

Re: Thank you

Posted by baseball55 on November 5, 2016, at 18:23:25

In reply to Re: Thank you, posted by Clearskies on November 5, 2016, at 12:32:43

Letting go of expectations of myself that I can't or couldn't meet has made me feel so much better over the last couple of years. i'm not sure i'd call it lowering the bar rather than just coming to accept reality. my biggest sources of unhappiness come from beating myself up for not doing things i think i should be doing. going more to the gym is a biggie! maybe i can try to do what you've done and find someone to go with.
thanks for your post.

 

Re: Lately SLS

Posted by alexandra_k on November 5, 2016, at 21:43:01

In reply to Re: Lately Clearskies, posted by SLS on November 4, 2016, at 6:26:22

When I think of SLS I certainly don't think 'dull witted'. I feel subhuman a lot of the time, too. Perhaps I'm externalising, but I have been putting it down to features of my environment / features of the world, lately. It sort of helps... But, then, insofar as it isn't within my power to change any of it, it sort of does not.

 

Re: Thank you Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on November 5, 2016, at 21:43:44

In reply to Re: Thank you, posted by Clearskies on November 5, 2016, at 12:32:43

> You both remind me why I love this community.

Aw. Thanks. And you and baseball, too :-)

 

Re: Thank you baseball55

Posted by alexandra_k on November 5, 2016, at 22:36:18

In reply to Re: Thank you, posted by baseball55 on November 5, 2016, at 18:23:25

Hey. I just typed 2 lengthy posts and lost the both of them... I swear... Babble hasn't loaded so slowly for me etc since... Since around 2004.

Sigh.

Ethernet cable might fix things... We will see...

I'm sorry to hear that your own voice is your worst enemy... I... Have made an awful lot of progress on treating myself well... For me now... My worst enemies are other people. Other people who want me to believe that what is best for me is what is best for them. Other people who want me to believe that I need to be looking after them etc.

I haven't found a gym in NZ where I can just get on with it. For me... I found myself there. I found that I could focus on me. A realistic assessment of what I could and couldn't do. To honestly work on the things that were best for me. To see progress. Here... I can't find myself there anymore. It seems to me that the gym is full of people who are very focused on other people and on gaining their approval. It feels like I'm not allowed to focus on me. Instead I need to be constantly scanning the environment to make sure I smile at people who smile at me and if someone sets up at a station next to me I'm supposed to modify what I'm doing so that they can play along.

I'm remembering back to when I first joined... I told myself... 'Don't worry about other people. Just focus on you. Most of them are just focused on them. They aren't bothered about you'. And that was true. But it isn't true anymore. Or that isn't true here.

It might be... That the gyms round where you live are just awful... It really might be.

I wanted to do yoga... But the worst thing about yoga is the people who like yoga. The people who like to be mostly naked with the other people. Who like to stare at themselves and others in the mirror. Right before communal showers. Then you get the whole thing of how you need to pretend to be worse at things than you are otherwise people will hate on you. You need to reassure them that your top priority is whatever they want. Whatever they need. Making them feel good. Or they'll do the modern equivalent of all getting together and stoning you.

I am feeling pretty awful at the moment... Need to find a new place to live. I hate that. It is possible that this awful angst will be what scaffolds me to... Enables me to... Finally get a one bedroom place with non-nosy neighbours... Someplace away from people who like to shout 'f*ck off' to each other in very loud voices... Someplace with (dreams...) trees and happy birds. To be able to open my window in the summer time and have gentle breeze and happy birds and to be able to read in peace...

 

Re: Thank you alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on November 6, 2016, at 6:01:43

In reply to Re: Thank you baseball55, posted by alexandra_k on November 5, 2016, at 22:36:18

> Someplace with (dreams...) trees and happy birds. To be able to open my window in the summer time and have gentle breeze and happy birds and to be able to read in peace...

Better than living with angry birds!

(American cartoon)

:-)

I hope you find the peace and quiet that you seek.


- Scott

 

Re: Thank you

Posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2016, at 17:27:24

In reply to Re: Thank you alexandra_k, posted by SLS on November 6, 2016, at 6:01:43

Thanks, Scott :)

I do, too.

People seem to think that there are such places...

It is basically about effort in for results out... Any place that requires people to get organised enough to do this and that before it's workable... Is a place that is more likely to be amongst other people who are similarly focused on what is important. Or similar...

Something a bit off the beaten track. There are some pretty steep hills in these parts... I suspect the nicest places are up some of those...

 

Re: me, too, and thanks

Posted by Tabitha on November 7, 2016, at 20:03:30

In reply to Lately, posted by Clearskies on November 3, 2016, at 23:17:00

That's great Clearskies... both the acceptance and the new accomplishments.

The topic of expectations vs reality is on my mind a lot. It's difficult to know where to push myself and where to work on acceptance. I'm often ashamed of having to answer questions like What do you do? or What have you been doing lately? I'm not good at coming up with a glib response.

I also relate to the grief over going from feeling like an ultra-bright person to feeling not so bright any more.

It helps to know I'm not alone. Thank you babblers.


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