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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 13:07:48
I haven't been here in awhile, and y'all probably hate me for leaving the way I did. What can I say - I'm bipolar. Sorry.
Since I left, I've been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, Early stage Glaucoma (possibly - if my next set of tests are bad), Graduated college, got a job, quit that job (after only six weeks), became unemployed, and today I just found out I have a cyst in my brain.
I've been experiencing memory loss - both long and short term, trouble with cognitive fuctioning, and vertigo spells. My dad thought that I was having "abscence seizures" so I went to a neurologist for an MR1, EEG and Blood work to determine the cause of my forgetfulness and "Staring episodes" - as the neurologist calls them.
I'm now waiting on the neurologist to call me back with more info on this cyst. To tell you the truth, I'm terrified.
What if this is the cause of my bipolar disorder? Is that possible?
I've been feeling like crap since I graduated. I miss college. I was successful there. Working was hard - but I quit because they treated me horribly and I couldn't take it. It was hard for me to remember things. I've been sitting at home for two months doing nothing (actually I've taken two vacations...which were nice) - regretting the fact that I couldn't take a little abuse in the workplace - kicking myself for not being tough enough...
And all my family and boyfriend can say is - when are you getting a job?
I'm terrified to work, because it's so hard to pretend to be normal when you're not - it's tiring. And I have no idea how to tell an employer that i've got problems.
Have you ever felt totally alone, even when there are lots of people around you who say they care?
Posted by slinky on July 27, 2007, at 14:26:41
In reply to So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 13:07:48
So sorry Cloudyhaze,
Being /feeling alone is natural with the problems you're facing. No one truely understands..I felt saddened by your post ..not out of pity but a kind of empathy.
Never apologise for your illness don't try and do what others say like 'get a job'. You need time.
Worrying is hard not to do...feel safe in your family and boyfriends company and ignore all that snap out of it stuff.
Take care sweet.
Posted by Kath on July 27, 2007, at 19:24:28
In reply to So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 13:07:48
So sorry, you certainly have a LOT on your plate & to heck with 'when are you getting a job'.
Hey - please don't be too hard on yourself about quitting that job. It's important to take good care of yourself.
I wonder if there's a mental health department or something that helps people with mental health problems find employment with understanding employers? Or maybe there'd even be jobs IN a mental health department or something like that.
I'm sorry you're going through so much right now.
Please keep posting if you feel up to it.much love & caring thoughts, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2007, at 19:58:57
In reply to Re: So Alone » cloudydaze, posted by Kath on July 27, 2007, at 19:24:28
Cloudydaze a cyst is a capsule filled with fluid may be pressing on something and sounds very curable and wouldn't it be great if it was causing bipolar. Get it fixed and your're better. How did they find it? Love Phillipa ps missed you
Posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 20:12:15
In reply to Re: So Alone » cloudydaze, posted by Kath on July 27, 2007, at 19:24:28
Thanks - my dad seems to be the only one who really understands. He didn't use to understand, until he experienced a bout of depression himself, requiring medication. Also, the past couple of years he's been working at an award winning prep school for kids with problems ranging from adhd & anxiety to autism.
Now he understands a bit more :)
He makes a point to tell me he's proud of me (especially for graduating - he acted like it was the happiest day of his life).
I just wish the rest of my family, including my boyfriend, could understand.
The strange part is - I do want to get a job, but it's not as easy as that, unfortunately.
I called about a job today - I don't think they're going to give it to me.
Hi Kath! How are you? and your son?
Posted by Honore on July 28, 2007, at 11:58:41
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 20:12:15
I know what it's like to feel alone with people around; and medical issues can make it much harder. It's great that your father understands and is proud of your accomplishments. Is he able to give you some good advice and, I hope, support?
It definitely is hard when your boyfriend doesn't get it.
Keep us posted on the medical and job developments, okay?
Honore
Posted by Kath on July 29, 2007, at 18:54:44
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 20:12:15
Hi Cloudy - so glad that at least you have your Dad who understands, and tells you he's proud, etc. That is WONDERFUL.
Yeah - it'd sure be nice if the rest understood & especially your boyfriend!!!
Why don't you think they'll give you the job?
> Hi Kath! How are you? and your son?:-))) I'm doing pretty well, considering....
My son hit some kind of a 'bottom'; has been living with us since the end of June, when his roommate kicked him out because he 'didn't want to live with an addict'.
I was away on my "Kath's week away" camping at the time & he phoned my husband & asked if he could stay here for a bit. He said he was addicted to cocaine & needed to go into rehab.
Last Monday son had his 'intake meeting'. We learn tomorrow if he is accepted into the program.The problem is, that he doesn't want to stop all drugs & alcohol - just cocaine, really. He said to me a few weeks ago that his goal would be to only do drugs a maximum of once a month & only at a music event (as well as on his birthday & New Years)!!! It is sorta ludicrous in a way, although his caseworker at mental health, who specializes in addictions doesn't seem to think so. She says that he can still benefit from what he'll learn in rehab.
I am REALLY nervous about the decision tomorrow.Thanks for asking. Nice to see you.
HUGS Kath
Posted by cloudydaze on July 31, 2007, at 10:22:57
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2007, at 19:58:57
I was telling my dad one day about how I zone out a lot and I can't seem to remember hardly any of my past (only bits and pieces - even of my recent past), and he said that I should get checked out for "absence seizures". He thinks I might have them. So I got a referral to a neurologist, and she ordered an MRI, EEG and bloodwork to get to the bottom of my forgetfulness.
The MRI results showed that I have a cyst. My follow up appointment is tomorrow, and I'll learn more about the cyst, and the results of my other tests. They haven't told me how big the cyst is, where it's located, or how long its been there...I'm sitting here wondering if it's the cause of a lot of my problems! I'm kind of hoping that they say yes, it is the cause, because at least then all this will be explained.
There's a good chance my memory loss is psychological too, though. I'm kind of on a downhill slope right now since graduation. I miss school, and I'm afraid of work.
My cognitive functioning is so bad, I can't even do simple math most of the time (even though I aced my college math class...). That's why I don't think I can get a job.
This cyst could be curable with antibiotics, so i'm told, but if it gets bigger or doesn't go away, I may have to have surgery, and i'm not sure I want my head cut open.
> Cloudydaze a cyst is a capsule filled with fluid may be pressing on something and sounds very curable and wouldn't it be great if it was causing bipolar. Get it fixed and your're better. How did they find it? Love Phillipa ps missed you
Posted by Fivefires on August 1, 2007, at 12:45:54
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on July 31, 2007, at 10:22:57
Oh dear. I saw your subject and boy do I understand how you feel.
Then I've read your posts and so sorry you're having such a rough time. I too am going through some rough stuff.
It sounds like you've got a thorough doc trying to help you and that in itself is golden.
Hope you get some answers you want. Will be thinking of you.
5f
Posted by cloudydaze on August 1, 2007, at 13:11:08
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by Fivefires on August 1, 2007, at 12:45:54
Had my follow up neurology appointment today.
The other day when the doc's office called me and told me my MRI results were in, and I had a cyst - I assumed it was in my brain (because that's what they were investigating). It's not.
The cyst is in my sphenoid sinus cavity, deep in my head behind my left eye, and the neurologist said it was large, but didn't seem to concerned about it. The only other abnormal thing in my tests was something in my bloodwork that showed signs of infection. It could be the cyst, because I have no other known infections.
I wonder if the cyst has anything to do with the thinning in my optic nerve (it has been decided that I probably have early stage glaucoma, because they found thinning in the optic nerve since my last tests, but the cyst is right next to my eye - if it's large, it could put pressure on the nerve).
Anywho - the neurologist determined that my memory loss and other problems are probably due to my sleep apnea. I'm supposed to use my CPAP machine more, and see if my memory (and sleepiness) improves. If it doesn't get better, I'm going to a bigger hospital for another sleep study to figure out what's going on.
I wore my CPAP for a month and a half continuously, and never saw improvement - according to my doctors (the sleep specialist and the neurologist) I should have seen a 100% improvement. I didn't. Even when I use my CPAP all night, I still feel like a zombie when I wake up.
The neurologist is also referring me to a new psychiatrist. So I'll probably get back on bipolar meds. Yay. So much for losing weight. The doc thinks my memory & tiredness could be due in part to bipolar as well.
Posted by Kath on August 2, 2007, at 22:07:11
In reply to Re: So Alone, posted by cloudydaze on August 1, 2007, at 13:11:08
Please continue to keep us posted, okay?
It sounds like you've got good thorough medical help so that's good.
I don't know if this would be good at ALL, but I've been taking 1 5HTP capsule at bedtime & it seems to give me a more deep, restful sleep. Sometimes my dreams are a bit odd though.
I send my love & support, Kath
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