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So Alone

Posted by cloudydaze on July 27, 2007, at 13:07:48

I haven't been here in awhile, and y'all probably hate me for leaving the way I did. What can I say - I'm bipolar. Sorry.

Since I left, I've been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, Early stage Glaucoma (possibly - if my next set of tests are bad), Graduated college, got a job, quit that job (after only six weeks), became unemployed, and today I just found out I have a cyst in my brain.

I've been experiencing memory loss - both long and short term, trouble with cognitive fuctioning, and vertigo spells. My dad thought that I was having "abscence seizures" so I went to a neurologist for an MR1, EEG and Blood work to determine the cause of my forgetfulness and "Staring episodes" - as the neurologist calls them.

I'm now waiting on the neurologist to call me back with more info on this cyst. To tell you the truth, I'm terrified.

What if this is the cause of my bipolar disorder? Is that possible?

I've been feeling like crap since I graduated. I miss college. I was successful there. Working was hard - but I quit because they treated me horribly and I couldn't take it. It was hard for me to remember things. I've been sitting at home for two months doing nothing (actually I've taken two vacations...which were nice) - regretting the fact that I couldn't take a little abuse in the workplace - kicking myself for not being tough enough...

And all my family and boyfriend can say is - when are you getting a job?

I'm terrified to work, because it's so hard to pretend to be normal when you're not - it's tiring. And I have no idea how to tell an employer that i've got problems.

Have you ever felt totally alone, even when there are lots of people around you who say they care?


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poster:cloudydaze thread:772346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/772346.html