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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 12:03:51
When does a belief/opinion transcend mere 'normal obstinancy' and become a sign of delusional thinking?
I am not talking about the transparently obvious kind of thinking that is so overtly delusion ie if i was to believe that my postman was transmitting rays through my letter box that were
slowly eradicating my brain cells.I'm talking about having a belief/opinion about someone/something that is within the realms of possibility that is held with great conviction
but is not interpreted that way by other people.For example i have a strong belief that someone who claims to be my friend very often dismisses/invalidates/trivialises what i have to say.She constantly denies this and i have been told by several other people that she has told them that she likes and respects me but i find this hard to accept.
This belief does die down after a while but resurfaces at fairly regular intervals.
Posted by Phillipa on April 4, 2007, at 12:19:19
In reply to Delusional thinking?, posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 12:03:51
I don't think it's delusional has she been a fair weather friend or known to not tell the whole truth? Love Phillipa
Posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 14:25:58
In reply to Re: Delusional thinking? » capricorn, posted by Phillipa on April 4, 2007, at 12:19:19
> I don't think it's delusional has she been a fair weather friend or known to not tell the whole truth? Love Phillipa
To be fair i don't see her as being untruthful with other people. Opinionated- yes.
Posted by Declan on April 4, 2007, at 16:57:24
In reply to Delusional thinking?, posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 12:03:51
Your belief that you are being trivialised etc recurrs for a reason.
Either because you are, or perhaps because you need constant validation your friend sees no reason to supply?
What do you think?
Posted by Racer on April 4, 2007, at 17:11:49
In reply to Re: Delusional thinking? » capricorn, posted by Declan on April 4, 2007, at 16:57:24
Declan said nearly exactly what I was going to. That might save you the trouble of reading this...
If you feel invalidated by this friend, then you feel invalidated by her. Period. It's about how you feel. That doesn't necessarily mean that your friend has invalidated you -- no one else can make you feel anything. It does, however, indicate that you might not be getting what you need from this relationship.
My advice? Decide if you're needing something which maybe isn't quite appropriate -- I need a lot of reassurance, for instance, and I've learned that there are some people who will simply never be able to give it to me. I try not to ask them for it. Sometimes it's all about where you draw your boundaries, you know?
Otherwise, see if you get anything at all out of this relationship. Maybe it's one that you just don't want to pursue. I have one of those right now -- a good friend of mine died about two years ago, and her daughter periodically calls me with a new melodrama. Right now, it's OK. I can listen, offer what I think is good advice or a bit of sympathy, and then hang up. My guilt is assuaged, and it doesn't take too much out of me. If it turns bad in any way -- if my guilt goes up, rather than down, for example -- then I'll end it. I don't get enough out of it to feel bad about it, you know?
And maybe you really are having some distortion going on. Could there be something about this friend which intimidates you, thus setting you up to feel invalidated when she really does mean to be supportive? When you get a chance, and you're calm, it's worth thinking on that one for a bit.
As for what she's said to a friend? Um... I wouldn't plan to take that to the bank, you know? I have, in the past, said nice things, talked about how much I liked someone, simply because telling my true reaction wouldn't have been polite. I can usually find something I genuinely like about nearly everyone, so I'm not being untruthful, but I am spinning it...
Hope that helps.
Posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 17:26:57
In reply to Re: Delusional thinking? » capricorn, posted by Declan on April 4, 2007, at 16:57:24
> Your belief that you are being trivialised etc recurrs for a reason.
>
> Either because you are, or perhaps because you need constant validation your friend sees no reason to supply?
>
> What do you think?
I admit i am very insecure and i tend to take what she says to heart,be it positively or negatively,more than i do anyone else i know online.I do not actively seek constant validation but it is easy for me to fall into doubt mode.
If you were to be nice to me as you are now/praise me i would feel quite good about myself but if someone else came along 5 mins later and told me i
was no good or i perceivd they were i'd do the outward denial/inward eating me up and seeing myself as no good/useless etc and other negative things.It's just worse with her.Most of the feeling of invalidation comes because i feel when there are problems with me and a third party or parties she invariably tends to side with them and rebutts my side of things .
Outside of the above type situation i like her a lot in a strictly
platonic way to the extent that maybe i put her on something of a pedestal.
I can easily swing from a kind of platonic adulation(which i don't openly voice) to telling her that i am blocking her emails/will
never post on a forum she runs ever again and other similar things.Given the fact that i can be a complete head case when i am emotionally
worked up/stressed be it with her or other people(think full scale acute hysterical rant/rave defensive mode with rising paranoiac overtones)
and she still engages with me then maybe she is genuinely a friend but there is this nagging doubt.It doesn't help probably that my ability to trust is about as fragile as fine china falling off a table.
Posted by capricorn on April 4, 2007, at 17:37:27
In reply to Yeah, what he said..., posted by Racer on April 4, 2007, at 17:11:49
> That doesn't necessarily mean that your friend has invalidated you -- no one else can make you feel anything.
Thanks for the well meant reply but i am not sure about the 'no one else can make you feel anything '
comment. Sure enough my feelings are my own but they are in reaction to the actions of another person.
This is the end of the thread.
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