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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jo U.K on March 5, 2007, at 3:23:11
Just to say good luck today with your sons GF arriving - hope she gets to you safe and sound.
Jo
Posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2007, at 12:02:44
In reply to Kath..., posted by Jo U.K on March 5, 2007, at 3:23:11
Kath is today the day? Good luck and let us know. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jo U.K on March 5, 2007, at 13:46:44
In reply to Kath..., posted by Jo U.K on March 5, 2007, at 3:23:11
thanks for the scrambled tofu recipe earlier, gonna try that this week.
((((Kath))))
Posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 20:47:00
In reply to Re: Kath...p.s, posted by Jo U.K on March 5, 2007, at 13:46:44
I am SOOOOOOOOOOO upset.
Before the PHONECALL, my son phoned me to see if I could drive him to the hospital because he was having kidneystone pain. He has quite a history of kidney stones & can cope with quite a bit of pain, so if he says lets go to the hosp you know he is in PAIN.
I said he should call GF just to verify things, as we were going to pick her up at 11:40 tonite.
She had been supposed to phone him by 3 our time. This was about 4:30.
When I arrived at his place, no answer to knocking at door, so I went in. He was on the phone & it was apparent that she was telling him she wasn't going to be on the flight.
I got the picture from what I could hear, that she was NOT returning & that she was pretty-well saying that she wasn't going to continue in their relationship. (3 years; talk of marriage)
He was beSIDE himself. When he got off the phone, he was in fetal position on the floor crying. It was horrendous.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry with her. You know - I DID have suspicions, but during the time they were back, she was so extremely loving with him & various things that were said put my mind at ease. My son's friend briefly talked with her also, & she said that No, it wasn't drugs...it was for herself that she was staying, and also there was a guy out there...............
So I was right, in that the guy who was staying at my son & her apartment while son was in hospital, IS taking my son's place.
I feel very very bitter. And very angry.
Talk about kicking someone when they're down.
Listen to me - I'm being 'victim' in my son's place!! I guess it makes sense that I am pretty upset.
I sort of think "WHYYYYYYYY? Why does he need this to happen also?"
Part of me accepts that I don't know why things happen & maybe there's a good reason. Maybe this will be for his own good somehow, but it's pretty cruel right now.
:-((((
At the hospital, there were tons of people & since he has anxiety these days anyway, he told me he couldln't stay. There were even 20 waiting to see the intake (triage) nurse, as well as a huge waiting room full. So I gave him some pain pills that were left from hubby's gall bladder problem. We'll go to hospital tomorrow; hopefully it won't be as busy then.
If you pray, please keep my son in your prayers.
Thanks for your good thoughts. I wish it had turned out differently.
I am so sad.
Kath
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 5, 2007, at 21:03:16
In reply to :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 20:47:00
> We'll go to hospital tomorrow; hopefully it won't be as busy then.
I've got a wicked headache, and I can't say much more than I'm sorry to hear about how your son's relationship came to this. He has my sympathy. That truly sucks.
The very best time to go to emerg is about 6 a.m., IMHO. They're often happy to see a new customer come through the door. No waiting.
Lar
Posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2007, at 21:03:56
In reply to :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 20:47:00
Kath I'm so sorry and tell your Son the same. What is left to say? Love Jan
Posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 21:12:17
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Kath, posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2007, at 21:03:56
Thanks Lar & Phillipa.
I'm gonna go to bed now.
I'll check in tomorrow to say how I am.
I'm way more detaced than I'd have thought.
Kath
Posted by Jo U.K on March 6, 2007, at 10:52:32
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 21:12:17
Oh Kath so sorry, what a blow for you and your son.
Trying to think of anything positive to come out of this. Maybe this could be the start of a new chapter for your son - a new beginning? He might meet someone new, someone strong who could really be a positive part of his life. Or be on his own for a while, become a stronger independant person?Well, I just hope you're taking care of yourself as well as him Kath, I'm sure he's gonna need your strength right now. You can help see him through this, I'm sure.
Rooting for you both.
Jo
Posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 11:22:10
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Jo U.K on March 6, 2007, at 10:52:32
> Oh Kath so sorry, what a blow for you and your son.
> Trying to think of anything positive to come out of this. Maybe this could be the start of a new chapter for your son - a new beginning? He might meet someone new, someone strong who could really be a positive part of his life. Or be on his own for a while, become a stronger independant person?
>
> Well, I just hope you're taking care of yourself as well as him Kath, I'm sure he's gonna need your strength right now. You can help see him through this, I'm sure.
> Rooting for you both.
> Jo***********Thanks Jo. Thanks for the positive spin on it. I'm trying very hard to step back & be lovingly detached. It isn't easy.
I'm hoping that it'll nudge my son towards actually looking at his life, and at the part drug use has played in getting him to where he is!
I don't think that will happen for a while though.
A hard part for me is knowing how dreadful I felt when my ex left me, & to know that my son is experiencing that intensity of pain, and more!! At least when my ex left me, I had 2 lovely kids. Although I was so dependent on my husband for my sense of 'self' that I was pretty obsessed with him not 'wanting' me!
Thanks for your ongoing support Jo. How are you? I can't remember if you're at home during the day or go out to work.
I send hugs & hope it's as nice & sunny there as it is here!
love, Kath
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 13:13:36
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 11:22:10
I am sorry that he's hurting so much.
Sometimes when one partner makes steps toward health the other partner just isn't ready to lose the person they once had. I'm glad your son is making healthier choices though, even if it's causing him pain right now. In the long run, he'll have a much better chance at long lasting happiness.
I'm glad he has you for support. It must be very difficult for him at this point.
Posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 14:47:28
In reply to :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 20:47:00
poor doll. i'm sorry to hear of this. but, like was said (heard, typed, whatever) last night, just remember, maybe the timing is perfect for your son. this gives him a chance to start anew. new friends. a brand new start, with a new girlfriend (when he's ready) who's clean. try to think of it that way dear.
and for you. great for you to recognize your own personal issues with this. and good for you for being able to put them aside and be a godsend for your son.
not the praying type (unless i'm about to slam into a mac truck, sorry to be such a hypocrite, but it's usually a quick prayer and i don't even know if it's an acceptable as it usually involves a curse word or two) but i am very good at sending warm, fuzzy thoughts. and you will get quite a few!!!!
(((((((((((((kath and son)))))))))))))) (does that make it a three way hug? hey, i'm not being dirty, or am i? :)
take care sweetheart!
Posted by kid47 on March 6, 2007, at 16:42:25
In reply to :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Kath on March 5, 2007, at 20:47:00
Hey Kath. I am so sorry for the pain you and your son are dealing with. I know how desperately difficult it is when one of my kids is suffering and how deeply it can effect me. Sending good vibes and positive energy your way.
Peace and Happines to you and your boy.
kid
Posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 20:51:14
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Kath, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 13:13:36
Thanks Dinah.
Good points!!
I mean, how good is it for him to be with someone who would choose to expose herself again to the environment where she heavily used meth for 2 months?
Tonight he was talking (on phone) about getting some weed. I know he's been using a bit. I urged him not to, as it's on the list of what can trigger psychosis.
His case manager (basically personal helper/counsellor) specializes in addictions & told me that she comes from a 'harm reduction' place & that since it's what he 'does' - when he gets stressed out by life, he's going to gravitate towards drugs at this point. (unfortunately she has been away last week, during this very stressful time). Anyway, she says that if he's going to drink, that's better than weed; if he's going to smoke weed, that's better than coke etc.
I said to him that my hubby & I are hoping that his coping methods for NOW don't go beyond alcohol & cigarettes. (That's been mainly what he's been doing.) I never would have thought I'd 'encourage' him to drink!!! Oh well.
Thx so much for your input. It helps me stay sort of balanced.
love, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 20:54:36
In reply to my k twin » Kath, posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 14:47:28
You've got me smiling! love your sense of humour & liked the description of your Mac truck prayer!
Warm fuzzies are MOST welcome & as to the three-way - I was waiting to see what other outrageous things you'd mention.
I'm doing pretty darned well today. Met with the case manager from my son's mental-health team & it was a GREAT meeting. Helped me sort of pull back into myself!!! Yayyy..
hugs to ya & thanks for yours!!!! luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 20:56:21
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Kath, posted by kid47 on March 6, 2007, at 16:42:25
Thanks SO much.
How old are your kids?I find that part of parenting really hard!
always have.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 20:58:23
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Kath, posted by kid47 on March 6, 2007, at 16:42:25
Your amazing support & kindness & good vibes/thoughts, etc are VERY welcome and amazingly helpful for me.
Also the sensible input helps too!!!!
I send you a group hug(((((((((you-all)))))))))
Kk - ssshhhhhhhhh - not a word out of you girl!
:-)) Kath
Posted by Jo U.K on March 7, 2007, at 10:18:55
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on March 6, 2007, at 11:22:10
That's the thing with kids isn't it, you just dont want them to have to go through the bad stuff you went through yourself. I would hate to split from my HB, even though we've come close a lot of times, I just know it didnt do me any favours as a kid and I dont want that for my kids.
Maybe it's not such a bad thing your son and his ex didnt have children, it'd certainly make it more heartbreaking and complicated.
You just want to protect them.Keep going Kath, you're doing so great.
I'm good thanks, in answer to your Q, I am home during the day, I havnt worked since we moved from town. It's not sunny, still damp and drizzly worst luck. Still, the daffodils are coming up so Spring is on it's way, as ever.
Warm wishes,
Jo
Posted by Kath on March 7, 2007, at 16:01:43
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Jo U.K on March 7, 2007, at 10:18:55
Hi Jo,
No way they should have children, as they both have big substance abuse issues. They had said they didn't want kids anyway.
I actually would be very happy to never have grandchildren. I've had enough to deal with, with my children.
The latest is that when my son spoke with GF yesterday, she said she's still in love with him & to please keep the ticket 'open'...that she plans to come back, but doesn't know when & doesn't know if she'll stay.
MY mind thinks - Yeah - good one!!! get a free ride back to pick up your things to take them out there. He said he made her promise to come back by his birthday (March 31). Hmmmmmm.
At this point, I'd be just as happy if she doesn't come back. She told him that she's using meth on weekends. Hmmmmmmm. Is this the type of person who'll be good for him? Also, I trust her about as far as I can throw her at this point!
Do I sound bitter or what??
My meeting with the case manager yesterday helped me to realize on some deep level that all this is triggering MY stuff bigtime. It does make sense I guess. And the nice thing is that now that I know that, I am not feeling NEARLY as bad.
Also my short-term therapist through (as they say here) Mr. Kath's work - told me a good method of separating facts from feelings & it helps me see things. I'll post separately about that another time.
I send you hugs Jo.
My parents didn't split up, but my ex & I did & I think it wounded my son greatly when he was younger. Not so sure it bothered my daughter, but there were other issues in play there.
luv, Kath
Posted by Jo U.K on March 8, 2007, at 7:14:46
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on March 7, 2007, at 16:01:43
Sounds to me like his gf is keeping him dangling - I think that's a bit much of her really, if she doesnt want to be with him she should be big enough to let him go dont you think?
Luv
Jo
Posted by Kath on March 8, 2007, at 21:16:21
In reply to Re: :-( She didn't return AND broke up over phone, posted by Jo U.K on March 8, 2007, at 7:14:46
> Sounds to me like his gf is keeping him dangling - I think that's a bit much of her really, if she doesnt want to be with him she should be big enough to let him go dont you think?
> Luv
> Jo
Yeah - I agree. The LATEST is that they talked & she said that although she was attracted to "A", in Vancouver, she doesn't love him and DOES love my son & is thinking of coming 'home'. !!!Oh boy.
We'll see what the next chapter is!
hugs, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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