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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:51:47
I find my spending has gone up again. Fortunately I have lowered my credit card limits to the point where I can't get myself in serious trouble, but it's still a problem.
The part I can't understand is that I get no real pleasure from spending. The drive seems to be to spend or acquire, but the purchases leave me feeling flat and empty. Why would I do something that causes me trouble, and gives me no real pleasure?
Posted by gabbi-2 on February 9, 2007, at 11:35:22
In reply to Spending, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:51:47
88Why would I do something that causes me trouble, and gives me no real pleasure?
The same reason people get married?
Posted by Phillipa on February 9, 2007, at 12:52:00
In reply to Re: Spending, posted by gabbi-2 on February 9, 2007, at 11:35:22
Ha Ha and both apply boredom. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 14:35:04
In reply to Re: Spending, posted by gabbi-2 on February 9, 2007, at 11:35:22
Posted by philyra on February 9, 2007, at 20:22:22
In reply to Spending, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:51:47
Hi Dinah,
Do you feel an emptiness or a nagging when you don't spend? Sometimes I do. lately I've been trying to avoid buying food or coffee and pack lunch instead, make tea, but I feel this weird urge to buy something even when I really, really don't need it (like, I have plenty of food in my bag). Trying to ride out that urge and asking myself how it's serving me sometimes helps...
take care,
philyra
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 10, 2007, at 4:36:59
In reply to Spending, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:51:47
I've been thinking about this lately too. What do you buy when you spend?
I don't have any problems per se with money (in fact I'm quite good) but I get weird obsessions and currently I had a mini-obsession trying to find the perfect demin skirt, which is pretty bizarre considering that its -15C/5F outside and I won't be able to wear it until March (with tights, I think Americans call them 'pantyhose'?)
Anyway, somehow its to do with self esteem. I often feel that I'm never good enough or pretty enough or whatever and I think that at least if I have attractive clothes at least then I'll be sort of 'good enough'. I somehow can't explain it properly. Or if I'm wearing nice clothes I feel abit better about myself. But the thing is, I never judge other people on what they're wearing so I don't know why I care so much about 'looking nice' etc. I always feel slightly inadequate and somehow that makes me buy clothes that well I don't really need. Its never really an issue with money because I'm fairly modest but that money could be put to better use......well I dunno.
I hope I'm making sense!! Yeah somehow buying clothes I don't need is linked to self esteem, but I'm not really sure how or I can't explain it. Perhaps this could be whats driving your spending?
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by Honore on February 10, 2007, at 11:41:11
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 10, 2007, at 4:36:59
I tend to see it as some sort of underlying search for ":Something"-- something that will somehow fill in whatever's missing.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm just trying to gather things in to myself, to make myself less empty, to give myself fullness-- the good kind-- so I can have more to give, to put out.
The things things themselves often don't give me fullness-- but sometimes, they do-- more now than they used to, actually. But I've figured out more what I want (need).
Could that be it?
Honore
Posted by Kath on February 10, 2007, at 19:42:41
In reply to Spending, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:51:47
Hey Dinah,
Have you ever tried this?
Buy whatever; keep the receipt somewhere safe in your wallet; take whatever home; see how you feel; if you don't DESPARATELY want it, put it back into its bag with the receipt & RETURN IT.
I've done that sometimes & it works pretty well for me.
Maybe worth considering, in case trying to figure it out is too much.
Also, I wonder if there's a Spenders-Anonymous or something - a 12-Step group for spenders??
I send you hugs, love, Kath
Posted by Dinah on February 11, 2007, at 10:42:41
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Kath on February 10, 2007, at 19:42:41
I think probably it's an obsessive thing. One of my "good" obsessions that end up harming me more than my bad ones. It distracts me from what's bothering me, or from how I'm feeling. Yet in the end, it's not the stuff I want at all and once I've gotten it, the distraction is gone, and I'm left with no distraction, no satisfaction, and a guilty sick feeling at what I've done.
Yet at the time it's happening, I can't recognize it for what it is, or see what I'm doing.
I went to Debtors Anonymous once, but was overwhelmed by the rampant emotions in the room, and put off by the groupspeak of the 12 step programs. I barely made it through the meeting before racing off to my car and later collapsing at home.
Posted by Declan on February 11, 2007, at 16:28:34
In reply to Re: Spending, posted by Dinah on February 11, 2007, at 10:42:41
You went to debtors anonymous? Far out. I didn't even know they had that.
I just have to keep well away from bookshops or healthfood shops. You've no idea how much I can spend in them.
Posted by Kath on February 12, 2007, at 9:42:16
In reply to Re: Spending, posted by Dinah on February 11, 2007, at 10:42:41
Hi Dinah - I can relate but just a teeny bit.
What about the idea of returning the stuff after? Might that at least help the actual financial part of it?
Hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on February 12, 2007, at 9:44:55
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Declan on February 11, 2007, at 16:28:34
Declan - Ditto for bookshops!!!!!!!!! I LOVE books. Do you have any good second-hand bookshops near you? We have 2 good ones. At one of them, when you give them a book, you get half-price on a book. So if you take in 2 soft-covers & 2 hardcovers, you can buy 2 soft-covers at half price & 2 hardcovers at half price. AND their prices are pretty good to begin with! Keep me AWAY!!!!
I can spend a lot at health shops also, but not in the compulsive way that I can at bookstores.
:-) Kath
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 14:30:00
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Kath on February 12, 2007, at 9:42:16
My husband laughs that I return nearly as much as I buy, and it's the postage that breaks me.
It's not quite true. I do return a lot, but some of the stuff I spend on can't really be returned. I could maybe resell it, but that ends up costing me more in terms of time and irritation than I recoup.
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 14:32:08
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Declan on February 11, 2007, at 16:28:34
My therapist frames my spending in terms of addiction. It may be true. I tend to think of it more as obsessive than addictive.
And heaven knows addictions of all sorts run through my father's side of the family.
But in either case, I'm not sure the 12 step model would be helpful for me. Not in pure form anyway.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 13, 2007, at 14:41:32
In reply to Re: Spending » Declan, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 14:32:08
What sort of stuff do you buy (and how, over in the internet, in stores, etc) if you don't mind me asking? I'm just curious. Lately I've developed bit of an obsession with stores on the internet. I just love looking and obsessing over my favourite outfits. Its slightly crazy I know! I sort of imgaine myself wearing the outfit and sort of having the life I want to lead. Sigh.
Kind regards
Miss Meri
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 17:37:23
In reply to Re: Spending, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 13, 2007, at 14:41:32
I nearly always shop online. I *hate* shopping centers. Which has something to do with returning so much I guess. It's hard to tell sometimes on those little bitty pictures.
I tend to buy collectibles, or DVD's. :/
Posted by Phillipa on February 13, 2007, at 17:54:05
In reply to Re: Spending » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 17:37:23
Dinah I hate Malls used to love them when I was younger, working and had my own money. Love Phillipa or as ED calls me and Declan PJ ps I thought he meant pajamas at first dumb me it's the initials of real name and posting name!!!!!
Posted by DannaB on February 22, 2007, at 20:54:47
In reply to Re: Spending » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on February 13, 2007, at 17:54:05
I overspend sometimes too.
I try really hard to return things if I start to feel remorseful about buying them. That way, you scratched the "itch" to shop but you don't suffer the consequences (the bill).
Also, one thing that helps me is shopping at thrift stores. That way, I can let myself go a little "crazy" and buy a bunch of stuff while doing A LOT less damage on the wallet. This helps me get the desire to shop out of my system. I also get really cool stuff sometimes :)
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