![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 79 to 103 of 103. Go back in thread:
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 1, 2007, at 16:22:34
In reply to yes, perhaps we should just give it time., posted by alesta on February 1, 2007, at 15:18:24
> i can't and don't want to force anyone to forgive me. i will stop trying to impose that on you. i'm just trying to make this place comfortable for both of us. but i guess at this point i might be trying too hard. perhaps you are not ready..i'll let it go.
Yes. Time.
All will be well.
Lar
Posted by muffled on February 2, 2007, at 1:07:39
In reply to Re: yes, perhaps we should just give it time. » alesta, posted by Larry Hoover on February 1, 2007, at 16:22:34
muffled is disgusting. I'll admit that.
But you guys'll work it out.
Grains of truth wearing out my brain.
You all good people.
We ALL f*cked up in our ways.
What IS normal, there is no normal.
Mebbe we got ignored, or beat on, or messed with, or saw bad stuff, or have genetic mental issues, or addictions, or someone f*cked our bodies and /or minds, or head injuries or shaken baby, or mebbe our preggie mommies couldn't stop using,or we got yelled at, or scared way too scared, or various permutations and combinations.
There is so damn much sh*t out there.
I try not to add to it.
But sometimes I do.
Despite myself.
Forgive me.
And let he who is without sin...
cast the first stone....
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2007, at 2:24:42
In reply to Please be civil » alesta, posted by ClearSkies on February 1, 2007, at 8:42:08
> > i have seen you be rude on this site
>
> Dr. Bob has oversight over deputy decisions, and he may choose a different action.You'd already been asked to be civil, so I'm going to block you from posting instead.
But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceYou might want to consider asking another poster to be your "civility buddy" and to preview your posts before you submit them.
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to earlier posts, should of course themselves be civil.
--
> i am going through *hell* with ppl in my life right now, and all of a sudden am *very* angry. it's like the dam on my emotions has exploded and i am trying to deal with it.
>
> i just need someone to understand.
>
> i've grown a lot from the days where babble could make me want to commit suicide.
>
> dr. bob...would you consider deleting my post?You might've received more understanding here if you'd said more about what specifically you were going through with those people in your life instead of referring in general terms to "those with personality disorders". I'm glad Babble's no longer making you want to commit suicide. Sorry, but my policy is not to delete posts.
> there are personality-disordered people here. But...should we protect *them*?
Yes, one of the goals of this site is to support them.
Bob
PS: According to the current system:
previous block: 3 weeks
period of time since previous block: 89 weeks
uncivil toward a particular individual or group: yes
particularly uncivil: no
different type of incivility: no
clearly didn't understand PBC and made effort to reply: maybe
provoked: maybe
uncivil in multiple posts at same time: no
already archived: noIf we take 89 weeks, divide by 10, and round, that's a reduction of 9 weeks. If we apply that to your previous block, that takes you back to 0. And if we go from there, that's 1 week.
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2007, at 2:25:27
In reply to Re: Please rephrase » gardenergirl, posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:49:32
> How about
>
> > the generalizations and assumptions made in that post made me angryThanks for working on this, but referring to what someone says as "generalizations and assumptions" still could lead them to feel accused. Could you give it another try?
Bob
Posted by one woman cine on February 2, 2007, at 7:24:44
In reply to Re: Please rephrase that » gabbi-2, posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2007, at 2:25:27
You are a very compassionate person. Thanks for being on babble.
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 2, 2007, at 8:43:50
In reply to Well FWIW, posted by muffled on February 2, 2007, at 1:07:39
> muffled is disgusting. I'll admit that.
> But you guys'll work it out.
> Grains of truth wearing out my brain.
> You all good people.
> We ALL f*cked up in our ways.
> What IS normal, there is no normal.
> Mebbe we got ignored, or beat on, or messed with, or saw bad stuff, or have genetic mental issues, or addictions, or someone f*cked our bodies and /or minds, or head injuries or shaken baby, or mebbe our preggie mommies couldn't stop using,or we got yelled at, or scared way too scared, or various permutations and combinations.
> There is so damn much sh*t out there.
> I try not to add to it.
> But sometimes I do.
> Despite myself.
> Forgive me.
> And let he who is without sin...
> cast the first stone....
>Awww, muff, well said. Well said.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 2, 2007, at 8:45:18
In reply to Re: blocked for week » alesta, posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2007, at 2:24:42
I'm sorry it came to this, alesta.
Hugs,
Lar
Posted by karen_kay on February 2, 2007, at 10:56:41
In reply to uhhh...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 14:11:40
wait, i'm kinda a moron and weird things keep happening, but seeing personality disorder and kk in the same post gives me the creeps. you ain't sayin..... say it ain't so... please, you weren't saying that, were you? cripes, i already know i'm nuts, but on top of nuts something's wrong with my personality too?
:( kk's bad day just holding over. another blasted car blew up today. i don't even know where we keep getting all these cars to wreck, but they just keep appearing and we're in teh midst of gettign another one. anxiously awaiting a tree to fall on the one parked in the garage, waiting for the dash to be put back in.
Posted by muffled on February 2, 2007, at 11:37:57
In reply to Muffled rocks! » Dr. Bob, posted by one woman cine on February 2, 2007, at 7:24:44
Posted by elanor roosevelt on February 2, 2007, at 22:46:49
In reply to Thx guys (nm), posted by muffled on February 2, 2007, at 11:37:57
the most manipulative people i have dealt with in my 55 years have been white guys in suits -- very good suits -- considered to be normal and successful
however they were mean low-lifes on a high rung of the corporate ladder
when it comes right down to it
the king of hearts(the movie)
let me in and lock the gatehope you are all okay
Posted by gabbi-2 on February 3, 2007, at 12:05:59
In reply to Re: Please rephrase that » gabbi-2, posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2007, at 2:25:27
I suddenly have this huge pain in the @ss!
Okay, for you Dr. Bob.. for you.. :{
I got angry after reading the statements made regarding disordered personalities, and the reactions of "normal" people to those personalites..
However I also agree with Muffled, we've all made a babble blunder and we're here to support each other which under our collective circumstance sometimes require extra understanding and personal introspection.
Posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 20:30:56
In reply to Please rephrase » gabbi-2, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 10:10:17
> > I found it maddening.
>
> Keeping in mind that the idea here is support and not posting anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down, would you please rephrase the above to reflect your feeling as an "I" statement?Hi Alesta - I'm sorry. I don't understand.
To me "I found it maddening" IS an "I" statement.
So - in order to "reflect your feeling" - and just to clarify (I'm not trying to be difficult), would one say "I felt mad"
or "when I read that I felt mad"
or "I felt mad when I read that" ?
Thx for clarifying & sorry if I'm dense.
I'd like to say, & I hope this is OK:
After I read that initial post, I felt really upset about some of the things that were said. To me they seemed insulting & not kind. ? Is that an OK way to word it?
Thx Kath
Posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 20:37:47
In reply to Re: Please rephrase - alesta, posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 20:30:56
Sorry Alesta - I meant to address it to GG.
I since read your explanation post. Thx for posting that.
Sometimes our frustrations & feelings of upset just spill out, right?
I hope you're feeling better. Kath
Posted by All Done on February 4, 2007, at 0:55:51
In reply to Re: Please rephrase - alesta, posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 20:30:56
Hi, Kath. I'm not gg, but maybe I can help?
> To me "I found it maddening" IS an "I" statement.
You wrote "I" found it...but by doing so, you were calling "it" maddening instead of describing how "I" (meaning you) felt.
> So - in order to "reflect your feeling" - and just to clarify (I'm not trying to be difficult), would one say "I felt mad"Yes.
> or "when I read that I felt mad"Yes.
> or "I felt mad when I read that" ?Yes.
> Thx for clarifying & sorry if I'm dense.You aren't dense. It can be hard to navigate the civility rules around here.
> I'd like to say, & I hope this is OK:
>
> After I read that initial post, I felt really upset about some of the things that were said.This works, too, but it's where I'd stop.
> To me they seemed...Again, you're talking about "they" - meaning the posts/words/statements written by someone else? Instead, you have to focus on your internal feelings about what was written, not on describing what was written.
I hope this helps and, if anyone else can clarify better or if I got something wrong, please let me know, too.Laurie
Posted by gabbi-2 on February 4, 2007, at 17:40:00
In reply to Re: Please rephrase - alesta, posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 20:30:56
It's one of those babble things I've resigned myself to.
I can see why saying something is "offensive" is technically not an I statement, but if someone says "I found it offensive" most would, I think understand that it's a statement applying to the persons *own* feelings.. however that's not how it's seen at babble, and I'm sure among other people.
Posted by Kath on February 4, 2007, at 18:07:14
In reply to Re: Maybe I can help? » Kath, posted by All Done on February 4, 2007, at 0:55:51
Excellent explanation.
Thanks very much!!!
Hugs, Kath
Posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 10:37:04
In reply to Re: Maybe I can help? » Kath, posted by All Done on February 4, 2007, at 0:55:51
Thanks, Laurie, I thought that was great. (Not that my opinion carries all that much weight....I'm still learning, too)
What helps me with part of that, is to try to remember to notice the pronouns used...like the "it" in this case, which just stands in for "your post." Sometimes it's easy to not notice what's being described with "it", "them", "they" and so on.
I guess maybe that phrase "I found" is a tough one to work with here, well, at least for me. It can be taken too many ways that might seem uncivil to some (eg, "I thought it was...," or "My opinion of XXXX is that XXXX is maddening") But gabbi, I get your point as well, I really do. It can be an awfully fine line and hard distinction, absolutely, and frustrating particularly because you can 100% know your own intent (to express your feelings only), whereas no one else really can, we can only guess, infer, assume....and then things get really messy.....so the stricter application of the rules is sort of in place to avoid the messiness - and sometimes impossible to resolve discussions of what people intended to say - in the first place? Does that make any sense?
Posted by zenhussy on February 5, 2007, at 12:28:03
In reply to All Done, Gabbi, Kath and anyone, posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 10:37:04
Posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 19:50:10
In reply to posting as dep or poster?? pls clarify (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by zenhussy on February 5, 2007, at 12:28:03
Zen!! You posted to me. I very much like reading your posts here, and lately you've been a regular. I know you have been around Babble a long time, no? That fact gives wonderful perspective, and I respect it :-)
hmmm...I guess I was posting as both. Do you think I need to say so each time? I mean, each time we're discussing civility or something like that? Probably best. I usually do, but sometimes I'll forget, or think - why bother? Not in an "I don't care," way, just that I consider it for a second and think it isn't important. Like here, I guess I felt like I was just thanking All Done for her post and feeling empathy for gabbi's POV, not actually doing anything deputorial.
Civility can still sometimes trip me up, not terribly often lately, but I'm sure it'll happen again. Others deputies may well disagree with what I said here, and we don't always agree with one another about a certain word or phrase, or with Dr. Bob. And, ultimately, Dr. Bob's take on each phrase is the one that will "matter."
<shrug> :-)
Any specific reason you asked? Thanks for making me think about it, in any case. The dual role thing can be tricky, for sure.
Posted by zenhussy on February 5, 2007, at 21:07:43
In reply to Re: posting as dep or poster?? pls clarify » zenhussy, posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 19:50:10
Posted by gabbi-2 on February 5, 2007, at 21:10:15
In reply to Re: Maybe I can help? » Kath, posted by All Done on February 4, 2007, at 0:55:51
You know I love you, and yes that was an excellent clear description.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 5, 2007, at 23:31:04
In reply to Nyahhhh- Keener! : ) » All Done, posted by gabbi-2 on February 5, 2007, at 21:10:15
I agree! LaLa thanks for stepping in with that. :)
namaste
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on February 5, 2007, at 23:31:57
In reply to All Done, Gabbi, Kath and anyone, posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 10:37:04
Good points, 10der. :)
namaste
gg
Posted by Kath on February 6, 2007, at 11:23:12
In reply to All Done, Gabbi, Kath and anyone, posted by 10derHeart on February 5, 2007, at 10:37:04
Yes, - it can be pretty easy to misinterpret things that are typed instead of said. It can even be harder to 'read' things over the phone when I can't see people's expressions & body language.
:-) Kath
> Thanks, Laurie, I thought that was great. (Not that my opinion carries all that much weight....I'm still learning, too)
>
> What helps me with part of that, is to try to remember to notice the pronouns used...like the "it" in this case, which just stands in for "your post." Sometimes it's easy to not notice what's being described with "it", "them", "they" and so on.
>
> I guess maybe that phrase "I found" is a tough one to work with here, well, at least for me. It can be taken too many ways that might seem uncivil to some (eg, "I thought it was...," or "My opinion of XXXX is that XXXX is maddening") But gabbi, I get your point as well, I really do. It can be an awfully fine line and hard distinction, absolutely, and frustrating particularly because you can 100% know your own intent (to express your feelings only), whereas no one else really can, we can only guess, infer, assume....and then things get really messy.....so the stricter application of the rules is sort of in place to avoid the messiness - and sometimes impossible to resolve discussions of what people intended to say - in the first place? Does that make any sense?
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 21, 2007, at 3:35:57
In reply to Please help me Dr. Bob » Dr. Bob, posted by gabbi-2 on February 3, 2007, at 12:05:59
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.