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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
Maybe it would be kinder to say that sometimes people can really disappoint you. I'm just not feeling particularly mature today, so I'm sticking with "suck."
My teacher-friend has had a horrible track record this week. Monday: talked to her in the early a.m.; she said her husband was just getting up and she'd call me back. Never heard from her. Tuesday: she was wearing her hat as my realtor. Supposed to pick me up at 1 p.m. to look at houses, didn't show up until after 3:30. Not so much as an "I'm sorry." Today: asked last night if there was anything I wanted to do this week but couldn't since I can't drive at the moment. Told her I'd like to buy a washer and dryer. She said she'd call this morning and we'd go today. Haven't heard from her.
I feel angry and hurt. Am I expecting too much? Would it be inappropriate to say something? If not, what would be the right thing to say?
Posted by Poet on January 17, 2007, at 16:28:27
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
Hi Jammerlich,
Sometimes people absolustely suck and from what you've posted your teacher-friend has been been acting very sucky (I don't care if that isn't a real word, it works.)
I realize your teacher-friend-realtor may be busy, but then she shouldn't promise to be somewhere at a certain time or to do a certain thing. If it were me in that situation I would say something, probably something not nice, but that's me.
Poet
Posted by happykat on January 17, 2007, at 16:47:51
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
Posted by Clockwork Ange on January 17, 2007, at 16:56:24
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
I hear ya...
I wonder about people a lot.. especially friends.. their suckiness not only sucks, but hurts...
Have you ever been in this situation with this friend before- where she let you down?
Do you have a hard time sticking-up for yourself when it comes to people letting you down?
(I ask, because I definitely do!!)
Posted by ClearSkies on January 17, 2007, at 17:18:39
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
(((Jammer))) Sometimes, when I'm charitable, I think that friends who don't follow through on commitments think that it's no big deal, and that we, as friends, will understand.
When I'm feeling LESS than charitable, which is a frequent state of mind, I think that it's all about me and that I'm not important enough to others to rate an on-time appearance, or whatever my expectations were.When you next speak, if you have the nerve (I'm sure I have some handy, I know I left it lying around somewhere, if'n you want to borrow it), tell her that being left in the lurch makes you feel pretty angry. Maybe that's all she needs to hear.
I hope the suckiness factor diminishes quickly for you!!
CS
Posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2007, at 17:34:13
In reply to Re: Sometimes people really suck » jammerlich, posted by ClearSkies on January 17, 2007, at 17:18:39
Just me but that would be it as I can't be left hanging especially without an explaination. Love Phillipa.
Posted by Dinah on January 17, 2007, at 19:21:24
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
Would it be possible to just casually mention, next time she offers, that she seems really busy right now, and it would be best for you to wait until she has more free time before taking her up on her kind offer?
Now as far as her professional obligations, that's different. You are owed a certain level of consideration, and need to let her know that you aren't happy with how she's performing.
(I'd have been very tempted to tell her that one was convenient for you, but that three thirty wasn't.)
Posted by karen_kay on January 17, 2007, at 20:26:45
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
that's me, like your friend. (sorta, how you explained it). someone calls me and i say 'i'm busy so i'll call you back later.' i even set a time. and right after the words leave my mouth, i know i won't. i do this in numerous situations. returning phone calls. 'oh, this is a short visit, so i'll stop back by.' 'kk's newphew's birthday! yeah, i'll be there.' 'sure, sign her up for girl scout meetings.' well, you get the idea.
and, you know what? i forget them. every single time. because i overcommit, and on days when i feel ousy, i'm lucky to get teh kids to school on time, let alone show up for a birthday party. and i try so hard to appear normal, like everyone else who's able to keep all this stuff straight in their heads. and that jsut makes it worse.
and, i've always been a 'friend-blower-offer'. i've always made plans with them, only to never follow through. but, i've always been there for the big, important stuff... graduation, weddings, funerals, the stuff that counts. (and i know that the everyday stuff counts just as much. i really do, but i'm just being honest on how i see and justify it.)i've lost contact with my friends for years at a time, then one day call them and expect them to be happy to hear from me. i alwyas figure 'that's how i am.' and they all know i am like that. and they make jokes sometimes about it, but i've told them i'm flighty and i don't think i can change that. so, i make a point now to check in at least every 2 months if i don't hear from them. (ok, i can think of 2 people i haven't, but that's not bad.)
sorry, don't think i have any useful advice. jus thoping maybe you could see the other pov? then again, this could just be jibberish :(
Posted by Jo U.K on January 18, 2007, at 7:31:04
In reply to coming from the absent-minded friend, posted by karen_kay on January 17, 2007, at 20:26:45
Hi Jammer, just wanted to say that I've recently had similar prob with a close pal, she's been letting me down for years, often at the last minute and I usually find out she's not coming when I text her to find out where she's got to. Her husband and kids were invited to ours for a barbecue one Sunday, we went and got all the food in and had lit the barbie, then got a call to say she wasnt coming! No explanation! My husband was furious, and I actually defended her to him! What a sap! I could go on.... but before Christmas I'd had enough and called her out on her behaviour. It took some nerve as I didnt wanna upset her, but hell,she was upsetting me regularly! I just explained that what she was doing was,at best rude, and how would she like it done to her etc..I said I'd rather end the friendship than continue with her half-*ssed attitude. Cant say she liked being told but within a week she'd obviously thought on it a bit,we arranged to meet up - and she arrived on time - she agreed she was letting me down and so far she's been better. Time will tell... I can see KK's view, I'm not a perfect friend myself, but just a little effort in your friendships goes a long way.....
Posted by TexasChic on January 20, 2007, at 22:59:49
In reply to Sometimes people really suck, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2007, at 15:36:29
This is the end of the thread.
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