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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
I need to go to church,
to ask God for forgiveness of all my sins, acted out or fantasized about.
but after he killed my mother, I stopped believing in God.
I need to go to the doctor,
to ask for pills, pills and more pills to stop this breakdown that is spiraling around me just waiting to land.
but I like to have orgasms and the last pills took that away from me.
I need to go to a therapist,
to find out why I can't seem to get my sh*t together anymore.
but I'm too embarassed to go.
I need to go to AA,
because the whole town, including my husband and his immediate family are all chatting about my ever drunkeness and the effects thereof on my children.
but I still like the taste.
I need to talk to my children about "do as I say, not as I do"
but the hypocritical words just won't come out.
I need to go on a diet,
before people start calling me "Two Ton Tessy" and the fire department has to be called to get me out of the house,
but there's nothing like a fudge bar to give you seconds of relief when life f***'s you into tears.
I need to clean my house,because the gift of cleaning my house for Mother's day isn't going to happen, and it stinks, really stinks. Perhaps a high pressure hose, or maybe just a bulldozer would be better.
but I don't have the energy to figure out where to start.
I need to mow my yard,
so I can possibly save the rest of my bushes and perenials that weren't mowed off the last time someone decided to "help" me.
but it's hard to mow at 8 in the morning when it's still wet with dew.
I need to go to my dad's and take my turn at nursemaid,
but I don't want to. Yesterday's scene of insanity and confusion was the worst yet. I don't wan't to go back ever again.
I need to make apointments for my kids for checkups, at the dentist, pediatrician, eye doctor, etc...
but I can't make apointments ahead of time because I never know if I can get away that day until the morning of.
I need to tell my husband I don't love him anymore,
but I don't think I can take the mental anguish of him stalking me. It's easier to just pretend I do.
I need to take my dog to the vet to have her spade,
because I can't imagine brining any other living thing into this life I lead where nothing is under control,
but I don't have the money.
I need to be looking for a job,
but I don't have time, I'm too busy being everyone's all-american.
I need to make a list of duties for my children before I leave the house today,
because I won't be back until tomorrow, such is my schedule of juggling Mommy vs Daughter/Nurse role.
but noone will do the things on the list, so why bother.I need to tell those in my life who are hurting me immensely to leave me alone once and for all,
but since I feel I deserve it, that isn't going to happen. Call me a sadist.
Which brings me back to the begining,
I need to go to church, the doctor, the therapist, yadda, yadda, yadda........because I am insane, mad as a hatter, and it's never going to change.
insanity begets insanity,
misery begets mysery &
you are what you eat.Joan (Jett)
Those of you who remember me, that's where the name came from. I always wanted to be Joan Jett.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:59:44
In reply to I Need to Go To Church, posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
You know what? I get really overwhelmed like that, too. I have this giant to-do list, and I never know where to start. And I have all these "I really should's" about self-care and my health. When I think about trying to start some of them, I tend to think of doing all at once.
Just pick one. That's all you need to do. Pick one that seems the least scary or the easiest. Or one that involves the least commitment.
You just need a starting point. Maybe go to church just to go. That's a start. You can then move on to asking God for forgiveness if that's what you want, but start just by going.
Or maybe just look in the phone book for therapists. Just a start. You don't even have to call any of them.
(((((Joan)))))
It's okay to be you just as you are. You're loved as you are. And any change you might want to make just needs a small step to begin. As Phillipa says, Baby steps.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Phillipa on May 13, 2006, at 11:19:33
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church » Joan797, posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:59:44
Gg thanks for quoting me too bad I can't take my own advise!!!!!Love Phillipa
Posted by wildcardII on May 13, 2006, at 14:57:41
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church » Joan797, posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:59:44
~everything starts with one small anything. just take a deep breath and realize one thing at a time is the best anyone can do...
Posted by lynn971 on May 14, 2006, at 21:26:52
In reply to I Need to Go To Church, posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
You may have stopped believing in God, but He has not stopped believing in you.
Peace,
Lynn
Posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:06:00
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church, posted by lynn971 on May 14, 2006, at 21:26:52
Yes, and I think He's punishing me.
Posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:07:24
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church » Joan797, posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:59:44
The only step I seem to be able to make is to admit the problems and what I think the solutions are. Taking a step towards them just doesn't seem to happen. It's like I'm waiting for someone to force me in the direction I need to go. I'm afraid. Afraid of it all.
Posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:09:12
In reply to I Need to Go To Church, posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
Posted by madeline on May 15, 2006, at 7:16:23
In reply to I Need to Go To Church, posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
My goodness! It sounds as though you need a staff!
No wonder you feel overwhelmed and hopeless, If I put your list in front of me, I would feel that way too! Bless your heart, you're only human and just like us all, I know you do the best you can and believe me, that's more than enough.
I would pick one or two things from your list and work on them, then burn the list.
All any of us can do is just "keep on keepin' on".
Maddie
Posted by ClearSkies on May 15, 2006, at 11:04:19
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church » Joan797, posted by madeline on May 15, 2006, at 7:16:23
> I would pick one or two things from your list and work on them, then burn the list.
>Yes, indeed. Way too much for one person to do without a full house staff. No joke.
ClearSkies
Posted by lynn971 on May 15, 2006, at 20:49:40
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church, posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:07:24
Joan, don't be so hard on yourself. You dont need punishment. Anyway, I don't believe that God punishes us.
We live in a sin sick world and bad things happen to good people.
I wish blessings and happiness on you. You deserve good things.
Peace,
Lynn
Posted by Joan797 on May 16, 2006, at 13:51:10
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church » Joan797, posted by madeline on May 15, 2006, at 7:16:23
But giving up sometimes seems a more viable easier choice.
By the way, you have my mother's name. Is she channeling these thought through you?
Posted by Joan797 on May 16, 2006, at 13:53:27
In reply to Re: I Need to Go To Church, posted by lynn971 on May 15, 2006, at 20:49:40
If GOD does not punish, then what are the reprocussions of sin?
I guess I need to rethink my religious upbringing and try to figure out why we are here, where we go from here, and why I was taught that the choices we make in life determine our ultimate salvation.
I've made some really really bad choices.
Joan
Posted by Joan797 on May 16, 2006, at 13:58:25
In reply to Great advice, here., posted by ClearSkies on May 15, 2006, at 11:04:19
If friends could just live together and help each other out. I've often thought I could use a few wives living with me. "Big Love" in reverse.
Posted by ClearSkies on May 16, 2006, at 15:38:38
In reply to Re: Wouldn't it be great » ClearSkies, posted by Joan797 on May 16, 2006, at 13:58:25
Hmm. Have you ever read the book "The Red Tent"? It's downright inspirational.
CS
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