Posted by Joan797 on May 13, 2006, at 8:39:58
I need to go to church,
to ask God for forgiveness of all my sins, acted out or fantasized about.
but after he killed my mother, I stopped believing in God.
I need to go to the doctor,
to ask for pills, pills and more pills to stop this breakdown that is spiraling around me just waiting to land.
but I like to have orgasms and the last pills took that away from me.
I need to go to a therapist,
to find out why I can't seem to get my sh*t together anymore.
but I'm too embarassed to go.
I need to go to AA,
because the whole town, including my husband and his immediate family are all chatting about my ever drunkeness and the effects thereof on my children.
but I still like the taste.
I need to talk to my children about "do as I say, not as I do"
but the hypocritical words just won't come out.
I need to go on a diet,
before people start calling me "Two Ton Tessy" and the fire department has to be called to get me out of the house,
but there's nothing like a fudge bar to give you seconds of relief when life f***'s you into tears.
I need to clean my house,because the gift of cleaning my house for Mother's day isn't going to happen, and it stinks, really stinks. Perhaps a high pressure hose, or maybe just a bulldozer would be better.
but I don't have the energy to figure out where to start.
I need to mow my yard,
so I can possibly save the rest of my bushes and perenials that weren't mowed off the last time someone decided to "help" me.
but it's hard to mow at 8 in the morning when it's still wet with dew.
I need to go to my dad's and take my turn at nursemaid,
but I don't want to. Yesterday's scene of insanity and confusion was the worst yet. I don't wan't to go back ever again.
I need to make apointments for my kids for checkups, at the dentist, pediatrician, eye doctor, etc...
but I can't make apointments ahead of time because I never know if I can get away that day until the morning of.
I need to tell my husband I don't love him anymore,
but I don't think I can take the mental anguish of him stalking me. It's easier to just pretend I do.
I need to take my dog to the vet to have her spade,
because I can't imagine brining any other living thing into this life I lead where nothing is under control,
but I don't have the money.
I need to be looking for a job,
but I don't have time, I'm too busy being everyone's all-american.
I need to make a list of duties for my children before I leave the house today,
because I won't be back until tomorrow, such is my schedule of juggling Mommy vs Daughter/Nurse role.
but noone will do the things on the list, so why bother.I need to tell those in my life who are hurting me immensely to leave me alone once and for all,
but since I feel I deserve it, that isn't going to happen. Call me a sadist.
Which brings me back to the begining,
I need to go to church, the doctor, the therapist, yadda, yadda, yadda........because I am insane, mad as a hatter, and it's never going to change.
insanity begets insanity,
misery begets mysery &
you are what you eat.Joan (Jett)
Those of you who remember me, that's where the name came from. I always wanted to be Joan Jett.
poster:Joan797
thread:643395
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060513/msgs/643395.html