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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 7:49:55
My T asked me to examine just what it is about going grocery shopping that causes me to experience so much anxiety.
I gave my usual rant about checkout clerks talking to each other. Aisled being blocked by restocking or people talking to each other or carts in the middle of the aisle... any of these will cause me to turn right around and skip the aisle, even if there are things I really need there.So what is it about these things that make me so anxious? I can pinpoint it exactly. My invisibility to others - that people don't register my being there so they don't acknowledge me as a customer, they don't make room in the aisles, they don't think to shift over so I can look at the lettuce (or whatever) beside them... people just don't see me. I get frustrated, I get angry, I get scared that I'm so insignificant that my exsistence is absolutely not noticed by ANYONE.
I decided to become more visible. I dress a little better for the trip to the store. Not all Sunday-best dressed but I'll take care that my clothes are clean, neat, and kind of coordinated. I'll tame the bedhead hair. I'll put on earrings and lip gloss.
It worked like magic. Smiles, thank-you's, exuse-me's, small talk, all these things happened when I went in feeling better about the me I'm projecting to others. Even teenage checkout clerks and baggers are nicer to me.
Who would have thought that a change like this - which was not an easy effort for me - would have such a profound effect? That whole "dress for success" idea can make a big difference. How very superficial of our society, how sad, ironic, and a relief. I am not invisible. People can be nice if they can see you.
ClearSkies
Posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 8:32:04
In reply to Grocery shopping coping strategy, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 7:49:55
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 9:34:06
In reply to i have one too (nm) » ClearSkies, posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 8:32:04
Posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 10:04:32
In reply to What's that? (nm) » wildcard11, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 9:34:06
~i get so upset and anxious when shopping that i plan it out 1st...
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 10:51:51
In reply to strategy » ClearSkies, posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 10:04:32
That's great; I do that too, so I'm not having to run back and forth.
CS
Posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 11:22:22
In reply to Re: strategy » wildcard11, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 10:51:51
Posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 11:23:22
In reply to Re: strategy » wildcard11, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 10:51:51
i do it more b/c i have an anxiety attack if i think i'll see someone i don't want to and i always think something bad is gonna happen but i am working on that ;o) i try and shop in the middle of the night...
Posted by wildcard11 on April 3, 2006, at 11:31:51
In reply to My cart-mounted disintegration ray works for me (nm) » ClearSkies, posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 11:22:22
Posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 13:51:02
In reply to Grocery shopping coping strategy, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 7:49:55
I get annoyed by that sort of thing, too, where people are just obliviously blocking the aisle. (You know I'm big -- sometimes I'm tempted to use that to my advantage, and just barrel on through, bumping into people in my way. But I don't...) I think, though, that it's not about you being invisible -- just about their own bad manners. Truly -- at least, that's the way I usually see it around here. (Although, frankly, some men do seem to have an aggressive body posture when they block me, kinda like they're offended that I dare to be taller than they are.) Mostly, though, it's people who just have that air of not caring anything about anyone else's needs -- it's all about them, because they are the center of the universe.
And as for why people smile at you when you dress up and put on lip gloss? I'm thinkin' that's just on accounta you're very pretty...
(You are, too, by the way. I would bet when you do dress up and put on makeup, you probably project more self-love, which makes you even more attractive.)
Just my $0.02...
Posted by AuntieMel on April 3, 2006, at 15:12:46
In reply to My cart-mounted disintegration ray works for me (nm) » ClearSkies, posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 11:22:22
A few years ago, on one of my trips to Krakow, I went to their brand new super store. It was sort of like a costco.
It was the first of it's type in town. The people there were used to the small European type shops and had never seen a shopping cart.
It was like bumper cars! No one knew how to drive one.
Posted by Gee on April 3, 2006, at 15:32:30
In reply to Grocery shopping coping strategy, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 7:49:55
It is sad that people care so much about looks. They shouldln't, but I guess taht's the way our society has progressed.
I don't mind grocery shopping too too much, but it's the spending money thing that really gets me. And then having to carry it all home (no car). It's easier to go shopping with someone. Then you're not so alone, and they can do all the body chucking for you ;)
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 3, 2006, at 16:50:38
In reply to Re: Grocery shopping coping strategy, posted by Gee on April 3, 2006, at 15:32:30
I detest supermarkets with a passion.. Well, I love having a wander in one in a foreign city.. but if I am having to achieve something in them.. urgh..
So I do my grocery shopping online and get it delivered :)
N xx
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2006, at 17:54:05
In reply to I do it online!!, posted by NikkiT2 on April 3, 2006, at 16:50:38
I detest grocery shopping. think about it. You make a list, put item in cart til you are done then at the check out you take them out of the cart then they put them in a bag you put them in the car, you bring them inside, you take them out of the bag , you put them away, you eat them, throw away and do it all again what a waste of time. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2006, at 17:57:56
In reply to Re: I do it online!!, posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2006, at 17:54:05
I forgot to change the subject I always do. I do my own shopping peferably with my husband. And I don't like those new machines where you do you r own and they talk to you. Do you have anything in the bottom of your cart, do you have any coupons, place it in the bag, call a checker you did it wrong. I hate these things. FondlY Phillipa
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 3, 2006, at 18:42:01
In reply to Re:No not online too expensive, posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2006, at 17:57:56
It's funny that so many folks have probs w/ grocery shopping. I sorta do to. I don't have soc anxiety usually, but sometimes I get so overstimulated(?) in grocery stores that I just want to get home ASAP!
I guess it is common...
Best,
EE
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2006, at 18:57:03
In reply to I do it online!!, posted by NikkiT2 on April 3, 2006, at 16:50:38
It's not available where I live. But I do most of my other shopping online, since I *detest* shopping malls. I worked in them for too long <shudder>.
CS
Posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 21:12:22
In reply to I do it online!!, posted by NikkiT2 on April 3, 2006, at 16:50:38
I've thought about online supermarket shopping, which is available around here and not too expensive, but I'd worry that the produce wasn't as good as if I picked it out myself. What is your experience?
Not that it would be the same here, but at least it might lend me some courage to try it...
Posted by LegWarmers on April 3, 2006, at 22:54:40
In reply to How is the produce you get that way? » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 21:12:22
bad experience, not so nice produce, both times I tried. I'll never use it again.
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 4, 2006, at 8:22:52
In reply to Re:No not online too expensive, posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2006, at 17:57:56
I actually spend less shopping online as I don't do any of those "impulse buys"!!
N x
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 4, 2006, at 8:26:55
In reply to How is the produce you get that way? » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on April 3, 2006, at 21:12:22
I am lucky in that I have the opion of quite a few different stores who deliver to me, so tried them all, one by one.. two were terrible (low quality produce), one had a tendency to replace out of stock items with obviously unsuitable ones (a shopping order full of vegetarian food, and they replace a spinich and ricotta pie thingy with a ham pizza!!).. I finally settled on a fantastic one.. They are a little more expensive than the others, but the food quality has always been excellent, fresh, and rarely do they have items out of stock. Also, the nice man lets you check all your produce, and you can hand back anything you don't want there and then. He'll even come put it all away in your kitchen if you want *L*
Give a few a try, and see what you think of them..
Nikki x
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