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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 14:43:41
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 7, 2006, at 13:03:01
AuntieMel, and Phillipa, especially, you two have pushed and encouraged me to take this step, and maybe you've felt a little disappointed for or in me. Well, I think good news.
I gave my wife Ruth permission to call them today and gripe them out for hurting me and maybe putting me at risk. The admission lady was out of the office, and Ruth ended up talking to the head of admissions. Turns out I was approved a week ago. This lady just so completely dropped the ball his mind was boggled.
If you've figured out much about my personality in the 2 and a half months (is that all?) I've been posting here, You may have thought there is no way I'll go back there after they screwed up. Well I told my wife call him back and I will go in. Thursday was offered, but I have a doctor appt tomorrow, and this facility had a pretty strict list of what you can and can't bring, and I have shopping, cleaning, mental prep and pre cert issues to deal with. So we are shooting for Monday. This place has a very relaxed weekend schedule (to teach us about leisure time) so going in on friday makes little sense.
Anything could still happen. If you could remember, it has only been a short time since I was in an emergency room with my pdoc talking to their pdoc and nothing came of it. I've surrendured so many times in the last several weeks, I'm all turned around. this may be finally the real thing though.
I will keep everyone updated as I emotionally and physically prepare for this. It may be interesting on more than just a personal give a darn type way.
This facility is the real thing. If I work it, they have real help. Individual therapy, family weekend, DBT, real gym, Like in a hollywood movie. I almost got it when I was there before. I have hope and fear right now. Just have to maintain my cool and go along for the ride until I'm all the way in. Then work and relax, and meditate, and be open to things I've been shut to before.
My best friend (blood brother) and his wife sent out official pregnancy annoucement 10 weeks today. Family.
James K
Posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 16:41:38
In reply to Hi all, update, posted by James K on March 6, 2006, at 17:00:53
hi james,
I'm glad your spirits are up, and that you're working on getting help! I'm sorry the hospital is being so bad about calling back. I hate it when "scary" places like doctors/hospitals are not good at communication. It just makes everything more frustrating. I hope you are doing well.take care,
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2006, at 18:33:01
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 14:43:41
That sounds very promising. I really hope that it all comes together and works out well for you.
Posted by milly on March 8, 2006, at 3:20:09
In reply to Hi all, update, posted by James K on March 6, 2006, at 17:00:53
Go for it James (any chance of reconnecting with your creative self whilst there? art therapy?)
milly
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 10:08:21
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » James K, posted by milly on March 8, 2006, at 3:20:09
> Go for it James (any chance of reconnecting with your creative self whilst there? art therapy?)
> milly---good point milly, thanks for that. If I'm going to start being the me I'm capable of, I need to let go of the angry childish oath I took to not be an artist anymore when I left college.
I let you all know more when the next definite piece is known by me. thanks all for the support.
and Hi, Jai.
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 11:03:05
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 14:43:41
I know you well enough to know that you are good at procrastinating.
grin.
But - you will go when you are ready. Just please be ready soon, ok?
Posted by fairywings on March 8, 2006, at 15:36:02
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 14:43:41
Sorry things were so miserably flubbed up James, I hope all goes well, and you get everything you need out of your stay.
fw
btw, i'm not much of one for rules, i probly would have gone straight to the director when the woman didn't call back - esp. since he welcomed you back anytime.
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
In reply to Re: Hi all, nagging » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 11:03:05
> I know you well enough to know that you are good at procrastinating.
> grin.
> But - you will go when you are ready. Just please be ready soon, ok?---We got full confirmation of my admission, they faxed packing list to wife. They just aren't the kind of place where you can show up on the door step. I've got 4 days, 2 with my wife at home, to relearn how to us an electric razor, reposition and repot and give away some potted plants for ease of watering and care. Clear weeds and prune behind condo so I don't create jungle while I'm gone. Watch all the Daily shows and Colbert reports on the dvr. Put my records and cds away. shop for items. stay sober enough that these are good days for us, not bad. Fix my stomach and cfs the best I can so I'm not physically sick as much as possible.
That's not really that big of a list, I know, but even little things seem huge to me lately.
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 16:55:13
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
We'll see <she says tauntingly>
I've got your number if you don't. And don't think I won't use it!
Posted by Gee on March 8, 2006, at 18:10:59
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
You can do it. Good luck with everything. I'm sure it will be okay. You are so much braver than I ever could be
Posted by sleepygirl on March 8, 2006, at 18:51:07
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
good for you James. I'm hoping all the best for you. I hope it goes smoothly for you, and that you work hard and get lots out of it. Take good care of yourself. You know we will be thinking of you a lot here, and we'll want to know how it goes.
Be well,
sleepygirl
PS never forget to be an "artist" in some form
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 8, 2006, at 19:53:42
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » milly, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 10:08:21
> > Go for it James (any chance of reconnecting with your creative self whilst there? art therapy?)
> > milly
>
> ---good point milly, thanks for that. If I'm going to start being the me I'm capable of, I need to let go of the angry childish oath I took to not be an artist anymore when I left college.
>
> I let you all know more when the next definite piece is known by me. thanks all for the support.
>
> and Hi, Jai.
>
> James K
hey, I love that artist...he's really good.
my best to you, dear James K and your wonderful wife.I am holding you both in the light.
Ja*
Posted by milly on March 9, 2006, at 8:28:27
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
That was quite a big list to me (don't beat yourself up if it doesn't get done you've got enough to cope with)So pleased it is working out and chuck some paint around if you get the chance.
I'll be thinking of you on Monday, how long do you think you'll be away?
milly
Posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
In reply to Re: Monday morning, done deal » James K, posted by milly on March 9, 2006, at 8:28:27
I thought about going off the boards and pretending I went, just to avoid posting about this. I've told too many people and accepted their support and encouragement to just walk away without explanation like that.
Thursday, after I thought things were all straightened out with admissions, after we went over admin lady's head, I got a phone message from admin lady. I freaked a little. After someone f*cks you over, and you complain to her boss, you shouldn't have to go back to working with her. The bottom line is, to go into this facility, I have to talk to her some more, and probably do paperwork some more with her, and I am more likely to commit violence than be in the same room with this person.
The stories and examples on their website are such b*llshit, I can't stand it. I left her a message calling her a condescending liar and a bitch and telling her whatever happens now is on her head. Then I e-mailed the director of the program who I know, and told her that because of her coworker in the office, I won't be coming in. She lied to me, my wife, her supervisor, and she's about to lie to you. Congratulations, I get to keep my life savings and you get to keep a bad employee. I will not crawl or beg. ever. for anything. So I'm not mature or mentally healthy enough to go into their mental hospital.
I've been trying to come to grips with this and think it through all weekend, and I don't have any answers right now. I haven't hit anything, and that took a lot of effort when I figured it all out. I'm now about 2 and a half weeks off meds and feeling sick. I took a day and a half completely without alcohol just to see if I could do it. I'd let things go, knowing I was about to get help. Now I'm back to on my own. I'm so tired of this. I want a job. If I can get healthy this week, I'm going to go sack groceries or something. Anything.
I don't know what to say to those of you who have followed my stories as they've come along. Things have never worked out like this in my life before, and I don't get it. I'm no more angry or stubborn now then I was 10 years ago. I guess the world changed. I'll figure something out.
I'm tired
James K
Posted by muffled on March 12, 2006, at 15:20:39
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 12, 2006, at 20:49:33
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
> I thought about going off the boards and pretending I went, just to avoid posting about this. I've told too many people and accepted their support and encouragement to just walk away without explanation like that.
>
> Thursday, after I thought things were all straightened out with admissions, after we went over admin lady's head, I got a phone message from admin lady. I freaked a little. After someone f*cks you over, and you complain to her boss, you shouldn't have to go back to working with her. The bottom line is, to go into this facility, I have to talk to her some more, and probably do paperwork some more with her, and I am more likely to commit violence than be in the same room with this person.
>
> The stories and examples on their website are such b*llshit, I can't stand it. I left her a message calling her a condescending liar and a bitch and telling her whatever happens now is on her head. Then I e-mailed the director of the program who I know, and told her that because of her coworker in the office, I won't be coming in. She lied to me, my wife, her supervisor, and she's about to lie to you. Congratulations, I get to keep my life savings and you get to keep a bad employee. I will not crawl or beg. ever. for anything. So I'm not mature or mentally healthy enough to go into their mental hospital.
>
> I've been trying to come to grips with this and think it through all weekend, and I don't have any answers right now. I haven't hit anything, and that took a lot of effort when I figured it all out. I'm now about 2 and a half weeks off meds and feeling sick. I took a day and a half completely without alcohol just to see if I could do it. I'd let things go, knowing I was about to get help. Now I'm back to on my own. I'm so tired of this. I want a job. If I can get healthy this week, I'm going to go sack groceries or something. Anything.
>
> I don't know what to say to those of you who have followed my stories as they've come along. Things have never worked out like this in my life before, and I don't get it. I'm no more angry or stubborn now then I was 10 years ago. I guess the world changed. I'll figure something out.
>
> I'm tired
> James KOh James, you did your best.
You know we are heading toward a full moon on Tuesday and this whole month is mercury retrograde...
so some times the best of plans change.
Please keep yourself safe, breath and know we care about you.
My best to you and your wife
Jai
Posted by milly on March 14, 2006, at 3:30:59
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
I'm so sorry for you
milly
Posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2006, at 13:17:07
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
This place isn't the only one in town, you know. If you want this, don't let anything stop you.
Put any stubborn streak you have to good use.
Posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 14:15:42
In reply to Re: Find another place » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2006, at 13:17:07
I'm just off the phone trying to straighten out the billing and coverage. I'm owed 500$ for 2 years where they charged me deductible for in network outpatient day psych program, and the coverage explicitly states day program is exactly the same as inpatient for benefits and limitations. But payed at half the negotiated price.
1000 dollars off of what I owe would make getting more help this year easier on my mind and my wallet. So, yeah I'm stubborn.
I'm going to have to do something - dry out, hook up with a pdoc who will see me after hospitalization, etc.
I know. This isn't working. I'm averaging around 10 to 14 drinks a night. Suicidal thoughts are beginning to lurk. I walked out the house in the middle of the night last night to see who was making noise. I haven't done that in a month or two. (not paranoia, shut up time)
Great minds think alike, and after a few days of wallowing, I am moving into the next phase. Maybe if they will lock the door, then do the paperwork. (I don't know if that's supposed to be funny or not).
James K
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
In reply to Re: Find another place » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 14:15:42
> I know. This isn't working. I'm averaging around 10 to 14 drinks a night. Suicidal thoughts are beginning to lurk. I walked out the house in the middle of the night last night to see who was making noise. I haven't done that in a month or two. (not paranoia, shut up time)
>
okay, James this is sounding very serious.what kind of drinks?
hard liquor?
have you ever attempted suicide?sorry, you don't have to answer these questions because I asked. I am just getting worried.
if you have talked about this in another thread just direct me to the other thread.
my best to you James K.
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 21:29:16
In reply to Re: Find another place, posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
Posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
In reply to Re: Find another place, posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
sorry i've beeen away, I broke the screen off of my laptop and didn't have any working computer. I found out it will take too much money to fix the laptop, and another donated computer we had can't handles high speed internet even with max add ons, so I've rigged up an old moniter to the broken notebook. It may dangerous, because the plastic is all cracked etc. But I didn't want to disappear.
To your questions, as I remember, yes, yes, yes.
I'm okay right now, I only had 4 beers yesterday, and none today. but the night before yesterday, I drank a whole lot, and after I accidently broke further my computer, I slammed it down completely and ruined it and then took several pills.
Menninger won't take me at all right now because I am too much in crisis. The head of the Methodist program hasn't gotten back to us. I don't want to go to Intracare anymore. I hate everyplace in Houston, and seem to know and be known by the heads of all of them.
It's day by day while I figure this out, hope my computer holds.
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:18:34
In reply to Re: Find another place » Jai Narayan, posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
How about the place I told you about? It's not luxury, by any means (really) but they do handle dual disorder patients.
The inpatient program is also mainly detox so after that you could go to Menninger.
Please do something quick while you still can.
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:19:53
In reply to Re: Find another place » Jai Narayan, posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
Do you want me to come over there and pick you up and drive you??
I can be quite persuasive.
Posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 13:36:20
In reply to Re: Find another place - STAT » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:18:34
Can you imagine what it must be like to live with me? Well, my wife has decided to take all the contradictory drunken instructions and decisions I make, and just go by the ones that make sense. So she didn't tell me last night, because I was busy not drinking, but she talked to the head of the major med center teaching hospital that has been my pdoc twice before, and he works with the major national place that doesn't take currently crazy abusive detoxers, because they affiliated with the other major med center teaching hospital that hasn't completely split off yet. (makes sense?)
If I come in his small ugly little upstairs hallway for detox and stabilization, he can get me into the nice big place on a transfer. I like this guy a lot. He's one of the few pdocs I've had that can get past the exterior to see the intelligence behind. So, the on again and off again saga is back on.
I know I need help. I can't go to work like this, I doubt I can stay sober throught the weekend. Just bad business all around without this real last attempt to get straight and medicated and deal with the fact that my past is my past but doesn't have to rule my future.
Whether you, AuntieMel, or the others realize it, you aren't wasting your time pushing me. I need the voices in my ear telling me what is best. What I know and want change daily. I guess that's a symptom. (of something)
James K
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